While Polycarp has my vote, I do have a public image question.
Will uninformed voters feel, similar to Kennedy and the Catholic Church, that Poly is beholden to the opinions and advice of an unseen and yet omniscient entity that purportedly writes a column for a Chicago newspaper? And if so, will we have to assure them that this is a B]good** thing?
{ahem} I do believe this is a two-person ticket, yes?
As Vice President, I promise not to screw up nearly as badly, nor be entirely invisible and ineffective as my predecesors, including the great names of Elbridge Gerry, George Dallas, Hubert Humphrey, Spiro Agnew, Gerald Ford, Walter Mondale, and, um, Millard Fillmore… well, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, too!
Can I be your Secretary of State? Or have a senior position in that department? Or, how about National Security Advisor - I’m really good at international relations stuff, honest.
Esprix is in charge of attracting voters who are swayed by good looks.
I can also formally pledge that neither I nor my Vice President will accept a blowjob from a female intern in the White House.
If minty has his heart set on the Cayman Islands, it looks like Jodi will be AG.
Montfort will be Ambassador to Sweden – saving the country money; he’s already there.
I’m thinking Manny for the Treasury and Anthracite for Secretary of Energy (God knows we could use somebody in there who has some conception of what a sane energy policy would entail!). Suggestions of who has the expertise for other cabinet seats and advisory personnel are welcomed.
In that case, I’ll take Ambassador to the Court of St. James if the position’s still open, especially as my employment situation is currently extremely flexible. Or, failing that, at least Cultural Attache’; I can’t be any worse than some of the nitwits I’ve encountered in that post.
I have excellent organizational skills and years of administrative assistant experience. I can type, file, make travel arrangements and organize events.
Therefore, dear sir, please accept this as my formal application for the position of The President’s Private Secretary.
Soon To Be Mister President Polycarp, may I recommend matt_mcl as Secretary of Sexy Thangs? I believe I could get Barry White to perform at his nomination ceremony… [Barry White]“Aw, yeah!”[/Barry White]