Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain.
“There’s no principle built into the laws of nature that says theoretical physicists have to be happy.”
“I stopped trying to drown my sorrows years ago when I learned that all sorrows can float, several can tread water, some can swim, and a few can perform CPR on their fellow sorrows.” – pinkfreud
“Hold it right there, Slick. I don’t do cakes, okay? I don’t bake 'em, and I don’t jump out of 'em!”
The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United States will do away with this artificial scaffolding and restore to us the primitive and genuine doctrines of this most venerated Reformer of human errors. – Thomas Jefferson
"Other planets have moons with dynamite names like “Phobos” and “Titan”. What do we call our moon? “The moon”. It’s an embarrassment.
– Robert L. Park.
It’s hard to learn when you’ve got cinnamon for brains.
– Poptart box.
There’s nothing on top but a bucket and a mop and an illustrated book about birds.
I will make no bargains with terrorist hardware.
There is no such thing as luck, there is only chance, and what chance do you stand!
Laughing at you is like drop-kicking a wounded humming bird.
Let the Bodice Hit the Floor
This a zit? Deny the knights!
Bob Barker University: “Remember to spay and neuter your undergrads”
The Desert Road is a rather new, four-lane highway with a tollbooth at each end - tollbooths in the middle not being necessary because if you get off in the middle, you will die.
“In the early 1970’s, two young men, both of them Vietnam War veterans, go camping in the Sierra Nevada in California, about a mile from a Girl Scout campground. The second afternoon of their stay, one of the men breaks out in chills, sweats, and violent shivering, like he had experienced a few times in Vietnam. About a week later, in the San Francisco Bay area, six Girl Scouts become ill, with high fevers, severe headaches, and violent shivering.”
Figure 4.4 shows partitioning of the drive using an ordinary hacksaw.
– Tom Murphy VII
“The Illustrated Guide to Breaking Your Computer”.
We could make “apathy” a Core Value around here, if only we gave a flying [fig].
– WJW, a friend of mine who probably doesn’t want to be googly associated with this quote.
The first rule of Tautology Club is the first rule of Tautology Club.
– xkcd
School prepares you for the real world, which also sucks.
“For believe me: the secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness
and the greatest enjoyment is-to live dangerously.”
Nietzsche
I just looked that one up via the wayback archives. Oh my goodness. Thanks for the laughs!
You don’t have to be crazy to work here. We’ve got on the job training.
Jane Austen, letter to her sister Cassandra (1798-12-24)
George Orwell, Notes on Nationalism
“The Lord loves a workin’ man; don’t trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.”
“Mr Hickock that man is really dead!”
“Bloody, singed, and dripping wet. Now I know we have a crisis!”
–Widow Cleppetania