Everyone put yours in. Be nice and read everyone else’s.
From an episode of Family Guy I just saw, a news anchor at a desk:
“Next up, stay tuned for our special investigative report - The Clitoris: Nature’s Rubik’s Rube”
Cracked me up, man.
LC
Kent Brockman, news anchor on “the Simpsons”
"
And now a trend that’s sweeping the nation… wasting food"
I say that every time I clean out the fridge.
“Real men love getting hurt - that’s why God invented bandsaws!” --Greg Proops (probably in Whose Line, but I’m not absolutly sure)
Mine is from the great yet-canceled television show “Undeclared” -
Lloyd: We’ve gotta back Steven up. Are you guys men or pretty ladies?
Ron: Pretty lady right here.
Marshall: Yeah, I’m a pretty lady, too.
Another from the Simpsons:
Hey, relax. I told you, I got money.
I bought stock in a mace company just before society crumbled.
– Selma Bouvier-Terwilliger (later Selma Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure, and nearly Selma Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure Nahasapeemapetilon) from the episode “Black Widow”
From Dumb and Dumber
Life’s a scary thing. One minute you’re eating a burger, the next you’re dead meat.
The universe can’t end! I made jam!
- Sonali Karnick
Two from Buffy…
“You know there are quite a few American beers that are highly
underrated. This, unfortunately, is not one of them.” - Spike
“That’s the kind of wooly: headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.” - Principal Snyder
“I have a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.” (Blackadder)
(Incomplete without the rejoinder: “You wouldn’t know a cunning plan if it stripped naked, painted itself purple, and started dancing on the piano, singing, ‘Cunning plans are here again’!”)
From tonight’s Family Guy
Peter: Yeah, it costs a little bit extra, but I would do anything for you, Brian.
Brian picks up his coffee cup.
Brian: I’ll be out on the verandah since you’re already on the cross.
“Yeah Moe, did you see the team last night? Those guys sucked! I mean, I’ve seen teams suck before, but those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! Gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.”–Homer after Marge asks Bart where he picked up his language
“Give me the keys you cock-sucking motherfucker!” Take your pick, but I like Fenster’s version the best in “The Usual Suspects”
“Back in his day, he was the bitch’s bastard.” Things you do in Denver when you’re dead
“Could’ve killed you Dick, but I don’t want to kill you, I wanna eat.” Emelio Estevez in “Young Guns”
“Religion is when God, like Elvis, has left the building.” Bono
I had a dream last night where I was playing a game that involved posting a quote on a blackboard. So although this isn’t a quote from a movie or tv show or book or anything, it seems appropriate to post the one from my dream:
“I am the butters lover!”
Ah, Family Guy.
From the episode where Lois takes Tae Kwan Do:
Peter: She floats like a butterfly and stings like when I pee.
“One man’s mundane and boring existence is another man’s Technicolor.”
Tick - Strange Days (1995)
a couple of Spaced Quotes:
Job Interviewer:why did you leave your last job?
tim: oh i had a difference of opinions with the boss
Job Interviewer: phantom menace?
tim: yeah
and…
Tim (Reading housemate Daisy’s diary): Ha Ha Ha - Thrush!
“Those that would give up essential liberties to purchase a temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
-Benjamin Franklin
“Float like a butterfly, sting like a tree.” --Jason Lee (not the famous one)
“You’d have died of a real bad case of slow.” (Credit for a Kill - Bonanza)
Yeah, shucks, I’ll admit it - I’m a Bonanza freak.
Another Benjamin Franklin quote:
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
“The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist.” – Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC