Patrick: “I hated being in that place. Everyone there was a serial masturbator.”
Chris: “Is it lonely up there on your pedestal, Uncle Patrick?”
Chris: “Are we there yet?”
Chris: “Are we there yet?”
Chris: “Are we there yet?”
Lois: “YES, Chris…we’re there!”
Chris: “LIAR!!!”
Stewie: “There’s always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it’s not so much that I want to kill her, it’s just, I want her not to be alive anymore.”
Is this the month of quotable TV show threads? I swear it feels like there is a new one of these every couple of hours lately. I’m waiting for the Quotable Law and Order thread or the Quotable Dateline: To Catch a Predator thread.
“I’ll take one of them chicken Fah-jite-ahs”
Diamonds. She’ll pretty much have to.
I love that bit.
“Bonnie, it’s been like three years - either have the baby or don’t.”
“You know where Christmas comes from?! It falls out of my Holly Jolly Butt!”
“How’s that book comin’ along? Got a few more pages done today? Hmmm? Working on that dialog? Going to be the novel of the century? Characters with deep insight? Hmmm? Almost fini … ah screw it.”
Peter Griffin: Now kids, Daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off.
Stewie Griffin: I’m free! Free from the spell of those diabolical Teletubbies! [he turns to Peter] Thank you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.
My wife taunts me with this whenever the pitch of my voice rises a bit during conversation. 
And one of my favorites:
Tom Tucker: “Thanks, Olie. Up next…a pig that won’t eat Jews?”
My favourite was Stewie’s extremely surreal “He runs like a Welshman”
Last one, I swear:
Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland’s house): “So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?”
“And now, here’s Ollie Johnson with our Blacku-Weather forecast.”
“IT GON’ RAIN!”
Victory is mine!
You know what really grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with your little outfits. Ya know? You’re a… You’re out there jumping around and I’m just sitting here with my beer. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you’re trying to - why why are you leaping around there, throwing those things all up in my, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want? Well, I’ll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing! All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus.
[At a drug clinic where Peter is pretending to be addicted to heroin]
Administrator: Could I have your name, please?
Peter: Sure… uh…
[Looks around the room and sees a pea on a man’s plate]
Peter: Pea…
[Sees a woman crying]
Peter: Tear…
[Sees a roaring griffin soaring between the tables]
Peter: … Griffin. Oh crap.
Lois: What’s that smell?
Brian: It’s either bad meat or good cheese.
And pretty much all of Road to Rhode Island.
Tom Tucker: In local news, we have more on the approach of Hurricane RuPaul, which is working his or her way up the coast. Let’s go live to Ollie Williams with the Black-u-Weather report. Ollie?
Ollie Williams: [on the coast] ‘ISS RAININ’ SIDEWAYS!
Tom Tucker: Sounds rough, Ollie. Do you have an umbrella?
Ollie Williams: HAD ONE!
Tom Tucker: Where is it?
Ollie Williams: INSIDE-OUT, TWO MILES AWAY!
Tom Tucker: Is there anything we can do for you?
Ollie Williams: BRING ME SOME SOUP!
Tom Tucker: What kind?
Ollie Williams: CHUNKY!
Cleveland: Get out of here, and take five of those prostitutes with you!