Lois: “Peter, I’m not wearing panties”
Peter: " Ah, that’s okay, we’ll buy another chair!"
(The lines are approximations, okay? ;))
There are more (many more) that I like, but that one knocked me over.
Thanks
Q
You will rue this day. Well go on, start rueing.
Brian : Stewie, aren’t you a little old for a teddy bear?
Stewie : Brian, I’m one!
Brian : Still?
Stewie: What?
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(Lois walks in on Stewie torturing a bully)
Stewie: We’re playing house…
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski’s house.
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Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
(Paraphrasing since I don’t remember it word for word)
Peter: I’m going out tonight.
Lois: Okay, I won’t make dinner then
Peter: No, make it anyways and throw it out, I don’t want you to be out of practice.
Best of all was a visual gag from Blue Harvest - the pimped out TIE Fighter bouncing along with loud music playing.
Even thinking about it makes me laugh.
-Joe
“like a masochist in Newport, we’re Rhode Island bound!”
And though it was more droll than laugh-out-loud, I loved Stewie and Brian’s back and forth in the episode where they’re locked in the vault.
“I’m not having fun anymore; I feel you should know that.”
I use that myself at times.
Oh and Lois teaching Chris about women:
Lois Griffin: OK Chris. Now that we have practiced kissing and cuddling, we’ll practice eating out… at a fancy restaurant.
Peter: I’ll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn’t nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.
When Lois lets Peter pack a tropical bird in the back of the car before they leave for vacation… she finally relents, and whilst swinging his arms, he sings, “Yeah, you let me be myself.” My husband and I say that to each other all the time.
(Not exact)
Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: (To himself) Don’t say “doing your wife,” don’t say “doing your wife.”
Peter: (Aloud) Doing your… son?
When Peter turns gay for a couple of weeks, and helps Chris out with his math homework.
“One trick I used to use is turning things into a word problem. For example, if there are three glory holes in the bathroom at the club and 28 guys at the circuit party. How many rotations of guys will it take before everybody’s had a turn? Nine, with a remainder of Brent…Brent can’t fit in the glory hole, and that’s why we all like Brent.”
Can’t remember exactly how this goes…
Meg is talking about sticking your finger down your throat, making yourself puke to lose weight.
Peter: You can’t do that, Meg.
He then procedes to try it. His finger (very slowly) goes toward his mouth. Then his cheeks inflate and his eyes bug out. Obviously proving himself wrong. 
When Meg comes back from prison all butched up and scaring everybody she walks in the kitchen and they are all at the table. She suspects they were talking about her and everyone blames everyone else for doing it then they finally all blame Stewie and he says “Sure, now you guys understand me!”
That reminds me of when Brian took Meg to the prom. He got pretty drunk, then they made out. Then he puked all over the floor.
“That was the booze, not you.”
Pause.
“You gonna eat that?”
You can’t have pie without Cool WHip.
Peter: Hey, is the Count a vampire?
Brian: What’s that?
Peter: Well he’s got those big fangs. Have they ever shown him doin’ somebody in and then feedin’ on him?
Brian: You’re . . . you’re asking if they’ve ever done an episode of Sesame Street where the Count kills someone, then drinks their blood for sustenance??
Peter: Yeah.
Brian: No, they’ve never done that.
Now see what you’ve done, **FordTaurusSHO94
**::):D;)
I warn y’all… I keep telling y’all about this, but STILL somebody NEEDS to talk about…
Wankers!
:D;)
Your pal
Quasi
From the episode where they have to go into the Witness Protection program down South. They walk into a shack.
Peter: Geez, what’s that smell?
Brian: Either really good cheese or really bad meat.
= = = = = = = = = = =
From the episode where Brian has to help Stewie renovate a house, and Stewie insists on making sure Brian says, “Over” after every transmission.
Brian: I swear I’m going to come down there and kill you when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what, Brian? You said, “When this is” and then you said, “Over”.
There was no vocals but the fart contest between Peter and Michael Moore cracks me up everytime. It’s the expression of their feet that gets me.
I still like the old but good, “holy crip, he’s a crapple”.
Stewie expressing profound gratitude:
“When the world is mine, your death shall be swift and painless.”
Brian on Sex & the City:
“So it’s a show about three hookers and their mom?”