The flipside to this one is, “If you can’t measure worth shit, learn to weld”.
Damn thing auto-corrects everywhere except the “Title” box, which is arguably the most important place!
Such is my lot.
You can cut more off, but you can’t cut moron.
How to approach work in six easy steps:
- Determine if it really needs to be done.
- Hesitate to see of a workaholic volunteers to do it.
- Consider the most efficient way to complete it.
- Tell everyone else to get out of your way.
- Get it over with.
- Lie back down on the couch.
These are outstanding. 
Don’t put off 'til tomorrow what you can put off 'til the day after tomorrow.
If you can’t weld worth shit, learn to grind.
Measure three times and use the last measurement.
Don’t force it, use a larger hammer.
The problem here can be traced back to flaws in our educational system. If you look at this toy on Amazon…
…it is notable that a large hammer does not show up in the “Frequently Bought Together” section.
What I’ve been doing up until now is to measure once when drunk, once more when sober, and then take the average of the two. But now I’m starting to think that there may be more optimal methods.
This is like the homunculus problem. All you’ve done is take the problem up a level to “should you be drunk when taking the average?”.
Yeah, that is my thought. Average in your cups, average sober, and average the averages after two beers.
Don’t scratch your nuts after trundling through poison ivy looking for firewood…ask me how I know this.
Practicle Advice: Do not ask him how he knows this.
When skiing, carry a dog biscuit in your pocket. In the event of an avalanche, the rescue dog will find you first.
When counting to ten, save time by starting at the number 4.
Fool other motorists into thinking that you’ve got those fancy automatic windscreen wipers that switch themselves on when it starts raining by switching your windscreen wipers on when it starts raining.
Avoid the embarrassment of an STD test by having unprotected sex with your girlfriend then sending her instead.
Earn big money by putting a “How’s My Driving?” sign on the back of your truck along with a 900 number, then driving around like an asshole.
Save space in the freezer by storing frozen peas in the holes in frozen waffles.
When building a fence, finish all the hammering and beating first, and pour the concrete last. It takes a month or two for concrete to get hard and you don’t want to be hammering on the post while the concrete is still soft.
When rock climbing, always jump for both handholds and footholds.
Drive 5 mph in front of an elementary school five minutes after classes begin.
If at first you don’t succeed, just quit.
Of course not. That’s a different toy altogether.
If your dog is constipated, keep it out of the sticker bushes.
I’m guessing your projects look about as good as mine. I don’t weld pretty, but I weld strong! 
No matter how hard you beat on them, the balls roll out of the box.
Well, damn.
Yeah, I’m a little taken aback by this toy. The lesson appears to be:
The only way to make stuff happen is by brute force; and even then, it’s ultimately futile.