A few years ago, I read somewhere that as a rule, the younger the mother, the older the father tends to be. I’m afraid I don’t remember where, so I can’t come close to giving you a cite. One rationale I’ve heard which makes sense to me is that young teens and pre-teens are likely to be more naive, thus more likely to give consent. Not informed consent, in my opinion, because they may not be able to grasp the ramifications of what they are consenting to, which includes pregnancy. Seduction is played up as glamorous and romantic, and the possibility of being loved and having the evidence to prove it is wonderful. Also, young girls can also be a mass of raging hormones as surely as young boys. I know I was. He may well have rationalized that he just “gave her what she wanted.” So what? There were times this past winter when I wanted a bullet through my brain. That doesn’t mean that it would be right for someone to oblige me.
It’s early and I’m stressed, but even so, I think I’d still feel contempt for the individual who did this under the best of circumstances. Lock him up and let him find a way to deal with his sexuality other than looking for someone who’s naive enough to oblige him. By the way, if she’s pregnant at 11 years old, I don’t care if the first sexual contact she had with him was pulling down his pants and giving him a blow job (sorry if I shocked anyone), she’s still too young and naive, in my rather arrogant opinion.
If her family keeps the baby I think the best thing would be for the parents to adopt the baby and raise it as her sibling.
11 is far too young to be a mommy. I also feel that while little girls love to pretend to be mommy and may even mother their siblings, the day to day responsibility of real mommyhood is too much for them. Dolls don’t cry at 2:00 am and even when siblings do (usually) the sister is not the one to get up with them. Also no one here knows how well she is really dealing with all of this. For me, I would have hated the child and the constant reminder of the abuse the child represented.
Unfortunately Snoopyfan there are too many people who would find a prepubescent girl desireable. My father started abusing me at age 3 or 4 at the latest (That’s my very first memory - naked sweaty smelly daddy - yuck) I have no clue why.
Yeah, it’s unusual to us. However, where Lynn came from, it was common place.
They made a movie about her with Sissy Spacek and Tommy Lee Jones, Coal Miner’s Daughter. I believe Spacek won Best Actress at the Oscars for her role.
I think Loretta Lynn is a poor example too as she was born in 1934. Early marriage and childbearing (early to us anyway) was the expected age a few generations back.
My great grandmother married at 16 and had her first child at age 17… in 1919! Life expectancy was lower then, most common people only went to school for a few years if they went at all and then went right to work (even the children)
Families were larger too and people needed to marry off their daughters to forge alliances between families and sometimes just to have fewer mouths to feed.
Yes, I wasn’t suggesting that Loretta Lynn’s example today is a good one.
But try the Irish Traveler clan that lives in South Carolina. (There are different Irish Traveler clans; I’m only referring to this one.) Although the state tries hard to stop them, they still practice very young marriage, often as young as 9 or 10 for the girls, 15 or 16 at the oldest for the boys. Yes, it’s sick. But it’s happening all the time. And this is with parental approval. I’m not talking in the Third World, I’m talking in the good ol’ US of A.
I’m not defending it, just pointing out that it’s far more common than many of you appear to realize. And we won’t even go into the child marriage customs of India. In some cultures, a girl having sex at age 10 or 11 is just not all that weird, sad as that may be.
I almost don’t want to post this because I know I will get a (probably deserved) slamming. Firstly I am not disagreeing with anyone that thinks the cited case is tragic.
I do think that the childs parents will further ruin her life if they keep this baby in the family. Surely to do so will continue to keep the events that led up to the birth prominently in the mind of the little girl and the whole family (not to mention the community). Adoption can be something that people find plays on their minds all their lives, in the way that they question why, how, who etc but in this circumstance it seems like it would be the best outcome for all. IMHO it would provide the best chance for the 11 yr old to return to a semblance of childhood and let the baby have a “normal” upbringing.
However I do not agree with the calls for execution or lifelong imprisonment of the 18 year old. It appears that more often then not, youth sex offenders have been victims themselves. I believe that unless a society has a knee-jerk eye for eye, tooth for tooth veiw of crime and punishment, we should be unable to totaly write off an 18 year old. This is not a middle aged repeat offender. He is little more then a child himself. He should be punished and given treatment and at some point (and yes a fairly distant point) down the road be given the chance to redeem himself. He would not be the first 18 year old to have sex with a much younger girl. Yes I know it is illegal and yes I know in this case it was a family member. I am not for one moment defending his actions, they were appalling!! I just don’t think that a fair society would completely write him off as a dead loss for the rest of his life.
I have an 11 yr old myself (though he’s male) and the thought of him being sexually interfered with makes me feel physically ill. I also hear Tanookies words ringing loudly and clearly. Sexual abuse is horrific and I feel so very sad for that little girl having to go through pregnancy and giving birth when she should be enjoying her childhood. I just really think that the 18 yr old should be punished and rehabilitated rather then written off.
I was abused by my father from 12 to 14. It stopped when he died in an unrelated event. Fortunatly it turns out I don’t get pregnant easily but like tanookie I had considered my options and had decided suicide was the solution if that happened. I think the only reason I didn’t anyway was that I believed if I was gone he would start in on my sisters. All I can do is cry for this child. I have to cry for that baby she is going to produce as well. There are no good answers. If it is given up for addoption and the mother doesn’t fully agree then she looses yet another part of herself. If it is kept then there would have to be some resentment at its existance that no child should have to withstand. Too many people know the real story to pass it off as a sibling, some know-it-all would have to tell the child. Some day the uncle will get out of prison. The laws do not punish these people in any way equal to the damage they cause, then some idiot judge is likely to give him visitation.
I agree they laws for Pedophiles are not strong enough. My youngest sons father is currently in prison for sexually abusing his daughter from his previous marriage. The little girl was 7 thru 11 when the abuse took place. I was unaware of it when I married him and was already pregnant before I found out. I had the marriage voided but the courts would not give me sole custody or even terminate his parental rights. He has joint custody with me having sole conservatorship. I have to approve visitation and then it must be chaperoned. I live in constant fear he will take me back to court and get court ordered visitation. I don’t want the sick fuck anywhere near my son. I may not have a choice.
I know what you are getting at calm kiwi… unfortunately by 17 he really should know not to have sex with his 10 year old niece and should be punished for this. If he were younger I might have more sympathy but he is an adult now and needs to be treated as one.
I also get upset when people claim the ‘I was abused as a child’ excuse for their damaging actions. I was abused as a child too and I hated every second of it. I cannot fathom inflicting that kind of pain on another human being (except maybe someone who tries to hurt my kids) and especially not on an innocent child. I also hate when people find out what happened to me and look at me like a child abuser just waiting to happen. grrrrr
I wouldn’t look at you that way. Many children are abused that don’t become abusers and many aren’t abused that do. That whole thing is just something someone thought up once. I don’t think they even believe that now. When I took my chaperone classes (please understand the circumstances were that I believed he was innocent and had good reason to do so) they indicated that they hadn’t seen a real correlation. I am not vindictive or anything about any of it. I think we just need to educate the public.
For the record, of the 20+ people I have known who were victims of pedophiles (ranging from know very well [i.e. one is my father and another is my godmother] to used to be very close, but for whatever reason am not now), maybe one fifth (I can think of four I know for sure) went on to terrorize other children.
He won’t be injured by him if it kills me. I will leave an move out of the country if necessary. I will go to the papers and 60 Minutes and etc. first. I will take no prisoners. I am not so afraid of him being molested. (His daddy only likes little girls) I more worry he will somehow convince my son that he didn’t do anything wrong and was just persecuted. You know an innocent man wrongly accused and convicted. I am pretty tough. I have made it this far. I just hope he crawls under a rock and leaves us alone. My trump card is that he owes me over $35K in back child support and health insurance and etc. I will never see it and part of me doesn’t want it. (One part wishes I didn’t have to struggle so hard to make the bills and etc) I can use the deliquent child support to get him to relinquish his parental rights.
If you want to read a really sad story read the Iraqi Blogger’s journal http://dear_raed.blogspot.com/
I will leave an move out of the country if necessary.
New Zealand.
If I’m not mistaken, NZ has very pro-child laws about stuff like this and probably wouldn’t hand you over to Uncle Sam were you to oh, flee with the kid in the middle of the night.
Not that I’m suggesting you do that or anything.
Any kiwis out there that can confirm/deny this? Seems like I read about NZ being the place to go in a situation like this but maybe I’m thinking of another country?
That is extremely puzzling. I do NOT mean to seem as though I am doubting you, but the majority of pedophiles, if they have any preference, have one for males due to some physical characteristics that prepubescent boys share with women. Then there are those who, while they may have a preference, will go for the ones who seem least likely to 'cause trouble" (i.e. resist, tell someon else, etc). These are mostly boys, but if the relationship is father-child there is certainly nothing to say that the pedophile will not go after his (I use exclusively male pronouns when referring to pedophiles because very very few pedophiles are women) daughter.
Do you know of anything that affects his preference for female children?
One other question for you, if you don’t mind.
By voided you mean anulled, yes? If that is the case, the marriage never legally existed and he has fuck-all claim to your children. Even if you are divorced, any reputable court should have found him a danger to children regardless of how many adults are in the room (IMO).
Actually, from the information provided to me in my chaperone training, most pedophiles prefer children period. A few will like only boys or girls but most don’t care.
My sons father married me without the benefit of a divorce from the mother of the daughter he molested. I found out the big details about 2 weeks after I discovered I was pregnant. Because the little girls mother told CPS she reported it because she would get a bigger divorce settlement I was inclined to believe he was innocent. I was wrong. Hence, I had to have the married voided. Not annulled as the marriage was never really legal. He does have rights an I was told that in order to get them terminated the retainer alone for an attorney for me would be around $15K My son would also have to have one at that cost. Even then, if I didn’t have someone willing to adopt him the court probably wouldn’t do it. I got all this from my attorney and the judge the day of the voiding.
As for leaving in the middle of the night I won’t do that. I don’t need to. I have the right currently to move him anywhere I please. If it looks like that will change I will go before it does. I will also raise holy hell in the media. I do what I can now to get laws changed. They are crazy. The molesters have more rights than the kids do. Probations aren’t enforced because there are too many offenders and not enough Probation officers ant they are underpaid and overworked an there are too many people out there that don’t understand that pedophiles do not CHANGE. It is never an accident. They do all of it on purpose and are NEVER sorry they did it only sorry they got CAUGHT. They will not change. They are somehow less than human. They are great actors but do not have any sense of guilt about anything. They truly are monsters in human form. Of course that is just my opinion from having lived with one.