A great debate is occurring at the present time.
God, I hate it when someone says “at the present time.”
Scenario-
Young man early 20’s
Woman 45
Both single
Apparently no “relationship” involved, just sex…
What are the pros and cons of a situation like this?
Is it as bad or worse as the
Older man/younger woman situation?
Your thoughts please…
I’m 42. My fiance, whom I have been with for 6 years in June, is 27.
We got involved thinking, fully intending, for it to be “just sex” - older woman shows young man the ways of the world, then sends him back confident, etc. Well, in matters of the heart, you can’t just decide what your feelings will be. It turned out for us that the person we were “just” having sex with was in fact our soulmate and the love of our life. That was a scary realization that came after we’d been together about a year.
There’s lots of things I could say about this, but they are all based on the fact that we ARE in love, that we ARE committed to each other for life. None of those things would necessarily apply to your scenario.
If in fact the two people are not in love and they are happy just screwing each other, who cares?
However, it’s rarely that simple. Somebody is feeling something, bad or good. Best advice: all parties should be compassionate and gentle with each other’s feelings, and respectful.
stoid
A majority of my sexual partners were older than I once I left High School. My first serious relationship was with a woman 27 years my senior (I was 17). Most of the women I have been with have been in the late 20’s early 30’s. My wife is 25 (I will be 25 in July).
Now to the question. Pros: Learning. Plain and simple. You can learn from someone who has been around, and knows things that you may not. Sex, life, love, etc. In my experience with the above referenced woman was wonderful. Because of what she taught me I am a better lover, and man.
Cons: The elder is usually set in their life. Jobs, kids, ex-husbands, etc. Going back to my experience. She could not have children and I desperatly wanted them.
This is just my experiance. YMMV.
Wow, Dont know what I was expecting out of the answers.
Just more questions, ifs, ands and buts, I suppose.
What is surprising is… these answers so far are actually quite beautiful.
With a direction, that hadn’t even been considered so far.
robgruver wrote:
Well, that beats my record. The “older-est” woman I’ve ever been intimate with was 20 years my senior (I was 31). Most of my relationships, though, have been with older women. I was intimately involved with a 23-year-old when I was 21, a 26-year-old when I was 23, a 35-year-old when I was 26, a 34-year-old when I was 27, a 38-year-old when I was 29 (although technically “she” was a hermaphrodite and did not at the time have the plumbing for, shall we say, “complete” intimacy), a 51-year-old when I was 31, and finally a mid-40s woman when I was 32. I have occasionally dated younger women, but only one of those relationships lasted longer than a couple of weeks before she lost interest in me. (Oh, and there was that one 20-year-old I had a fling with when I was 33, but we both knew going into it that it was going to be a one-weekend-only casual thing – she lived 700 miles away. And we had nothing in common out of bed. But I digress.)
[Moderator Hat ON]
This seems better suited to IMHO to me. I’m sending it there.
[Moderator Hat OFF]
I had a relationship for two years with a man 8 years my junior. He was kind (to everyone), warm, loving, smart (you get the picture). I adored (perhaps even loved) him and it was definitely more than sex but, I never wanted a lifelong commitment. He did. I had no desire for marriage and he did. He came from a large Catholic family and, like robgruver, wanted children. My kids were nearly grown and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. When he had had a little too much to drink on New Year’s Eve and started pledging his undying love for me, I knew it was time to get out, and I did. I guess there’s nothing really helpful in what I’ve just said. ALL relationships have their complications. This one was especially complicated for me since I had such loving feelings toward this man. I can’t see much good coming from it unless there are NO emotions involved. Seems unlikely.