Bah. I could send you an untraceable email after five minutes of monkey-work. It’s a matter of picking up a free web-based email account that you use once, maybe twice. Pretty much every library in America has free web access now, and using a common-use terminal like that is as much of a cloak of anonymity as he needs. If he’s really interested in privacy, he could use a free web-based proxy service to access the email provider’s website (I think).
Point is, using an email to find its sender’s current location can be impossible. It might not even give you any good leads.
DocCathode: Are stun-guns universally useful? Even if the person is drugged and/or drunk, or otherwise pretty much insensate to physical pain? And are they really that much easier to use than a real gun?
In any event, do not get on a small boat with this guy.
They aren’t universally useful. But, she won’t carry a gun. TDN said that he isn’t sure pepper spray would work. Stunguns tend to be shaped to fit the hand. There’s no aiming involved. My next suggestion would be a stylish but sturdy walking stick.
There’s a name for what Clothahump is suggesting, and you are seconding - it’s called kidnapping, and it’s a felony. In fact, it’s a Federal crime. There’s also the matter of assault, which seems to be part of the plan.
I agree that this sort of “reasoning” can be very effective with a run-of-the-mill stalker, but when you get a bonafide, mentally ill stalker, it may not have an effect. I think I’d move and change jobs. This is very scary. Christ…I’d be afraid to be alone. Ever.
Kidnapping is illegal, sure. But if the police pay him a visit, and all the while he keeps falling down and throwing himself against furniture, he has only himself to blame, right? Back when this guy had an address, the police asked my girlfriend if she wanted them to “Put the fear of God into him.” She said no, don’t beat the guy up. They assured her that they wouldn’t touch him. Maybe they meant that the bruises wouldn’t show.
She’s wishing now that she’d said yes.
At any rate, she now has a cop escorting her around campus. I think his name is Sherman. You know, like the tank.
I wouldn’t trust my life to one of those toys. I guess I was thinking of a Tazer, something with some range to it.
The basic rule of real self-defense is to never bring a knife to a knife fight. You have to outclass your opponent physically in some way, and you must not be afraid to use everything you have against your attacker. If she won’t carry a real firearm, she better be damned sure to always be near someone she trusts with her life who does carry a piece.
A cop escorting her around campus is a start, but what about three a.m.? What about when she goes shopping? She could live in fear now, and promise herself that it will all be better after she’s moved. But this guy has tracked her for fifteen years. He apparently has no other reason to keep going. If she resigns herself to fear now, she will die hoping that he doesn’t know where she is. Or she will die at his hands.
Why? I find that perfectly believable. I have a restraining order against an exfiance from 1986…he has come up to Connecticut to harass me, and when I called the cops up here I was told that essentially until he actually manages to do something to me here, they can’t do anything about his being checked into a hotel 30 miles away down in Groton., or his following me around in a car for 3 days, and parking outside where I worked. I have hours of him on answering machine tapes, and hundreds of *'d calls from him. I even have [somewhere in the barn] xrays of my head after being thrown hard enough across a room that the neighbors called the cops from the thud I made hitting. You know what my nightmares are? Not being naked at work, or something going splorch thump in my closet coming to get me. It is being doing something from my normal daily routine and getting back together with him for a date…that can get me to wake up screaming and crying. I am the only person I know who can sleep to Faces of Death playing on loop because I would prefer drawing and quarteringin the Ukraine to dreaming of going dancing with him.
Did I mention that in my house there is a gun within 5 feet of me at all time, and frequently closer :mad: mrAru would rather have me in jail for murdering him in self defense than going down to the morgue to get my body.
In my case, it was ignorance. Guns were scary and loud and dangerous, and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. Then I was taught how to use, store, and clean a gun properly, as well as the benefits to owning one. I don’t carry mine (I don’t have the proper licensing at this time), but I have one at my home and I know how to use it. I’m not being stalked, I’m not in any immediate danger and, god damn it, I hope I’m never in the position to have to shoot somebody, but I would in a heartbeat if it meant my life or the lives of a loved one.
Talk to her again about it and check around for a firearm safety and education course (your local PD would be a good start).
Ask her which scares her more, a gun or the very real possibility that her life will be cut extremely short by this guy? A gun, or being kidnapped and raped? A gun, or living in fear for the rest of her life? IMO, those are all no-brainers.
I don’t know where you’re from, but I find that hard to believe.
Sex isn’t a requirement for at least my local statute to obtain a restraining order. Prior evidence of stalking behavior, violence towards the victim or their family, Etc. Sounds like your GF needs a better lawyer.
She’s mishandled this from the start and taken poor, poor advice from colleagues. It’s time to engage a lawyer(or change lawyers), and aggressively deal with the problem.
I hope you two take care of yourselves and find a way to deal with the problem.
Oh yeah, I wanted to address this as well. I don’t find it hard to believe, I just flat out don’t buy it. I can’t believe that they would even ask her that. What if I’m having issues with an ex co-worker (same sex, both heterosexual) or something which requires a restraining order? I have to have sex with her before the court files the paperwork? I don’t think so.
Somebody’s blowing smoke.
I would advise your SO to find alternative counselling, like, yesterday.
Hmm. To use the jogger pepper spray* I have, you have to flip the nozzle around in order to depress it, and you can’t depress it when it’s facing towards you. There are “walls” around the top of the button in the front, but not on the back. The only way you could spray yourself is if you make a conscious decision to spray yourself in the face.
So, don’t rule out pepper spray. Try different types – it’s only eight or ten dollars a pop, but your girlfriend’s worth infinity-plus-one, right?
Second on the pepper spray. Next to a taser, and I mean a real one, not one the pawn shop toys, and firearm, its the best bet. When I was a bouncer we used it on a guy on PCP one time. It blinded him at least.
find out what brand the local police carry and get that. There are lots of crappy brands of pepper spray out there, and they are not all alike.
Sorry about your girlfriend’s tribulations, tdn. I’m of the opinion that mental health professionals tend to not take enough precautions. I’m one, and neither my phone number nor my address is listed anywhere and won’t appear on caller ID. I don’t even list my email here.
I had a stalkerfreak once (not a patient but a total stranger) - this guy was amazing. He did stuff like break into my house, tell my neighbors he was invited when they asked and hang out for hours watching videos, and once, mopping my kitchen floor . He was very particular about what he stole, too. No cash, no cameras, no jewellry. Just lingerie, pictures, items I won’t mention and my diary :eek: . I saw him put his hand in my open bedroom window one night and he came within millimeters of having it nailed to the sill with a dagger. When I called the police, they classified this as a minor burglary. So I moved. I never spent another night in that apartment. I packed up & moved out within 3 days, told no one where I was going and left no forwarding address. And believe me, I was still a grad student and had no money for this, but I figured my safety was worth it. I watched my back compulsively for quite a while, too. It was a nightmare, but it was also over. She might not be able to control him, but she might be able to make it a lot harder for him to find her.
Gun’s not bad advice, either.
. He was very particular about what he stole, too. No cash, no cameras, no jewellry. Just lingerie, pictures, items I won’t mention and my diary :eek: . I saw him put his hand in my open bedroom window one night and he came within millimeters of having it nailed to the sill with a dagger. When I called the police, they classified this as a minor burglary. So I moved. I never spent another night in that apartment. I packed up & moved out within 3 days, told no one where I was going and left no forwarding address. And believe me, I was still a grad student and had no money for this, but I figured my safety was worth it. I watched my back compulsively for quite a while, too. It was a nightmare, but it was also over. She might not be able to control him, but she might be able to make it a lot harder for him to find her.