Huh! Never heard of that one before. And considering I volunteered at a no-kill cat shelter, I must have been masturbating like a mother-fuck, to no good effect!
Are you Shah? Sultanly!
True story:
I was typing at a word processor when someone asked me to get a ruler out of the drawer in front of me. The exchange went like this:
Him: “Hey! Gimme a ruler”
Me: (while still typing) “King of Spain!”
Him: &*)&%@!
What do you call the science of archery?
Aerodynamics
What do you call a butler with false teeth?
An endentured servant
BWA-HA-HA!
:smack: Ouch! I literally slapped my forehead on this!
As revenge I submit these three:
Did you hear about the taxi driver who drove cab for 20 years and had nothing to chauffeur it?
Why does a Frenchman always only have one egg for breakfast? It is un oeuf!
What do you get when you cross 50 male deer with 50 female pigs? A hundred sows and bucks!
So there!
Nitpick on that second one, Nature’s Call. The punchline sounds better (IMHO) as, “Because in France, one egg is un oeuf!” YMMV
You’re right. My repertoire has been updated.
Two Eskimos went kayaking one winter to hunt up some seals for oil and skins. It was, as it tends to be in Alaska, quite cold. One Eskimo brought some small sticks and made a small fire on the bow of his kayak. The whole thing caught aflame and he sank and died, while the other was fine. “Silly,” he mused. “Didn’t he know you can’t have your kayak and heat it too?”
How could I have forgotten my two favourites:
Why can’t a bicycle stand up? It’s two-tired.
She critisized my apartment so I knocked her flat.
Damn, those’re funny!
Few more:
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
I was looking at the calendar and realized my days are numbered.
The reading of a will is a dead giveaway.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg… until she broke it off.
I called out to my friend after he jumped off of a bridge in Paris, “What, are you in Seine?”
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you Abm.
Once you’ve seen one shopping centre, you seen the mall.
I kill me
“…and I’ll show you Abm.”
What language is the last word in?
You have only yourselves to blame for this.
A king decides to build the most magnificent palace the world has ever seen. He gets submissions from architects the world over who want to design the building. He finally chooses a design for a 2 story glass palace. When it’s finished he moves himself and his court into the new palace. Of course, he brings along his old throne. He announces that he’s so proud of his new palace that he will open it to daily tours for the public. A rich subject visits and decides that he was so impressed he wants to send the king a gift that will go on display and add to the general magnificence. He has a huge, ornate golden throne built and shipped to the palace. When the king sees it he decides that this is the only throne he’ll ever use from now on. Being thrifty however, he has the old throne moved to a storage room upstairs. It’s a massive piece of furniture and it’s weight causes the whole structure to collapse and shatter.
The moral:
People who live in glass houses should not stow thrones.
Sorry, it stands for “A-Flat Minor”
Hardee har har!
Oh! I see it now. Imagine, I’ve been playing music for 43 years and have never seen it written like that.
These ought to be recorded for posterior, er… anyhow, seen on a tee-shirt:
Invertebrate punster, spinelessly unable to resist a pun. So slug me.