Punchlines Only, Please

The Game Room
1

“If I could walk that way, I wouldn’t need the talcum powder!”

2

Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

3

There. Now he can’t sleep, but you can.

4

If this is my thermometer, then where is my fountain pen?

5

Twenty bucks. The same as in town.

6

DiMaggio?

7

You don’t get an erection when you peel an apple.

8

9…8…7…

9

With the grace of God and the help of these two thumbs, I think I got everything back where it belongs.

10

How he got into my pajamas, I’ll never know!

11

Turn the bar stools upside down.

12

"That’s not a bacon tree…

… It’s a Ham Bush!"

13

You can’t load a truck with bowling balls using a pitchfork

14

He said “Fuck him. Give him a dollar.” Breakfast was my idea, though.

15

You can’t hear a vitamin.

16

“Hell, time ain’t nothin’ to a pig.”

17

So would I; mine’s as big as a house.

18

Once I caught my breath, I called him Precious.

19

And if it wasn’t for that horse, I never would have made it through college.

20

Is there going to be a linked thread with the jokes. 'Cause my recognition count is at: yes/5, no/11, and maybe/3.

And in honor of that:

The room was silent. “I guess some people just can’t tell a joke.”