When I was in high school, I worked on the mayoral campaign of a man named Lou Sukalski. In the primary, he was matched against two men, one named Bob Swietyniowski. Lou ran an aggressive campaign, only to come in third. Attempting to rationalize his defeat, he conjectured that voters had gotten his name confused with Bob’s. I replied, “And yet you two are Poles apart!”
My WoW druid is Crimeariver. Sometimes I play my Warlock, Layonmacduff.
**
I won in the Washington Post’s Style Invitational contest with that very pun years ago. I won the “The Uncle Loves Me” award, I still have the t-shirt that I got.
One day a friend of mine tripped in his backyard. Looking down, he saw that he had stumbled over something from the previous night’s dinner that his dog had stolen out of the trash. With a curse he picked it up and flung it as hard as he could. Unfortunately it struck a ceramic wind chime his mother had bough on a Disney vacation, shattering Mickey into a thousand pieces. I looked him straight in the eye and told him; “People with glass mouses shouldn’t throw bones”. (true story)
Not a pun exactly, but wtf…
My small town newspaper is quasi-infamous for its lameness. I mean, they ran a front-page picture of a sunset. In black and white. Seriously.
So I got this story second-hand, but it fits their reputation.
Long ago, the town had some funds and the council wanted to put a statue in the park. The mayor was against it. Headline: “Mayor fights erection in city park.”
What do you call the feeling that you need to go to the bathroom?
John Forsythe
My DnD group had a tough time with a Naga. We managed to defeat it but only ganging up on it and whaling away until it stopped moving. The DM commented as he was toting up the points, “Too bad you had to slice it up so much; the skin’s ruined,” making one of the players ask, “Oh? Is the skin valuable?”
“Sure,” I quipped. “Where do you think they get Naugahyde from?” d4s hurt when they hit point first.
So a bottle of beer walks into a bar and gets drunk.
I don’t get it.
Old joke: A traveling circus has a sideshow dwarf who’s also a psychic. A customer complains about a prediction he makes, and the dwarf, enraged, attacks the customer. He’s arrested and jailed, but soon escapes. The next day the headlines scream, “Short medium at large!”
My boyfriend and I were driving near Devon Avenue one time when he came to visit me before he moved up here. (For those who don’t know the area, it’s chock-full of Indians and other South Asians, with all the businesses one might expect - restaurants, specialized South Asian grocery stores, places that sell 220v electronics and do video conversions, etc.)
We were driving down Western Avenue, and we passed the business on the northeast corner of the intersection of Devon & Western: Gandhi Electronics. His question - “I wonder if they sell passive resistors?”
That was one of the many moments when I knew he was meant for me.
Shit, I’m a straight guy, and I would’ve jumped his bones for that one.
When my son was younger, he received a kitten named Harvey from his Aunt. Harvey got outside one day, and was run over by a truck. When I tell this story to folks, I always ask them to guess what color Harvey was, but no one ever gets it right.
What color was Harvey, you ask?
(dunno how to do the spoiler box thing)
He was Flat Black.
I have a hole in my sock. Darn it.
My daughter-in-law used to work for the Sacramento Morgue. She told me once about a product that they tried. It was a nasal spray that was supposed to numb your sense of smell, making it less unpleasant to work on bodies that hadn’t been found immediately after the time of death.
She hadn’t noticed that the name of the product was a pun and was surprised when I laughted. The name of the product - Carry On.
Personally amusing:
My youngest (he turns 30 this year) pulled me into playing World of Warcraft. He was trying to set up a group who would play together, LAN party style. I didn’t know what else would be in the group, so I just went for big and strong. He knew it was me when a big Tauren warrior named Erixmahm walked up.
At a Bob Evans for breakfast. I had steak 'n eggs, grape juice, and toast. GF had pancakes, bacon, and hot apple cider. No kidding, the following exchange happened ver batim:
Waitress: How is everything?
Me: Eggcellent.
W: Good. I told the chef to make them **eggceptionally **well.
M: Well played. I shall give a toast in your honor. (hands her a piece of toast).
W: I’m forever grapeful, but how come everyone gets toast beside 'er? (points to girlfriend)
GF: That’s O.K. He’s can give out food however he choose. I would never **stake **a claim to it. Besides, I prefer muffins. In fact, I think I’ll go home and get my bake on.
the joke is better if you refer to him as a “Small medium at large”.
John – slang for “bathroom” (I figure you know this, but some non-USA readers might not)
Forsythe – pronounce it “foresight”
Get it now, my freund?
That…was beautiful.
Bravo!
A lot of gaming puns! I suppose gaming and puns go hand in hand. Mine’s a gaming pun, too.
Unfortunately, I gave out bonus XP for the best pun of the night. We were playing Tennagers From Outer Space. I had an NPC named Angel. Real name Gabriella: wings, played trumpet in the band, whole 9 yards. A friend had a PC named Deevil: classic devil character.
Well, the PC’s were at Angel’s house having a party. Deevil walks up, picks up Angel’s cat, and holds the cat over his mouth. Without batting an eye, I yelled out…
“Deevil! Don’t you DARE eat my p*ssy!”
Game over. Laughter ensued for about 15 minutes. I had to give the bonus XP to my NPC: the rest of the group insisted on it.
Me no get it.
Apparently, you also no read Posts #20, #25, and #27.