On this date and post count thou shall have wishes granted to you…
Guilty pleasures, sex, fame, fortune, black kitties…. Whatever you desire…. It is yours… perhaps. ::insert maniacal laughter::
The moon is full and my castle has been prepared. Please enter the inner sanctum when ready and perform the correct ritual in the right sequence and I shall grant your wish.
This is not a post count party! I did not have one at 100 and will not at 1000…. Although there is a fully stocked bar to the left and in the second dungeon on the right is my pharmacy. Blood letting is not allowed before midnight, and orgies do not include only two people!
Barn Stormer has a brand new plane. err…aircraft! It’s new call letters are BS666. I hope you like the black paint job with the red and yellow fire highlights around the engine casings. I had “Death From Above” painted on the underside of the wings in virgin blood (very hard to find these days).
…but unfortunately since the ritual was not performed correctly… you can only fly at night and your ass will always stick to the leather seats.
Well, Mr. Mielikki has this cute little friend… naaaah. That’s just not right.
OK, how about this- he is a web developer contractor, and has been unable to find work since November. He’s willing to take anything he’s remotely qualified for that pays at least, say, $15/hr.
Are goats provided or do I need to bring my own goat? Will a squirrel work? I have no goats and I’m really sick of watching the squirrels rob my bird feeders.
My request is simple… All I want is for the jerk who was blocking the left lane on my way to work this morning, talking on his cellphone and doing 57 in a 55 so nobody could get past him, to die a fiery painful death. Is that so wrong?
Oh, yeah. And sex, too, please. (She’s gotta be at least six foot, blonde and athletic.)
I’ve brought you 98 Degrees and the Backstreet Boys to use as a sacrifice.
jerks chain, drags the two worthless boy bands into the room Get in there, you wastes of oxygen.
I’d like the unlimited ability to alter reality to suit my own personal whims, preferably with a mere thought. If that’s too tall an order, I’ll happily settle for the power to decide who lives and who dies.
“Lord Calredic”… doesn’t that have such a lovely ring to it? Insert sinister laughter
::all-naked all-teenage precision drill team prances in::
::brass band playing “There’ll Be A Hot Time in The Old Town Tonight”::
::slow procession of robed and hooded acolytes bearing rose petals, gold bars, and dark chocolate truffles::
I thought you might like me to start my bribes in advance, Absoul. More will follow as soon as I can get those Visa bastards to increase my limit. (Note: in dealing with unholy agents of darkness, a nice gift is always appropriate.)
I haven’t really finished my wish yet. So far I am thinking of a cabana boy, the winning lottery ticket, manageable hair… oh, and the slow roasting of my enemies over a pit of scathing fire, while their entrails are removed bit by bit.
Or maybe world peace for everyone except beauty queens. Hmm…
poof! Spoofe Bo Diddly is now in charge of a Star Destroyer
This vehicles comes fully equipped with a full stromtrooper division, complete with assault craft and ablative heat-shield for orbital drops, 20 At-ATand 30 AT-ST walkers for ground assault, and six TIE fighter squadrons for escort and patrol.
Grond assault options include 12 landing barges for crew and cargo transfer and for ground assault. Landing barges are shielded and armed. Your crew is completely comprised of 18-29 year old naked females of varying ethnicity and planetary origins.
Since the ritual was not completed correctly (or even attempted) the explosion of the Enterprise has contaminated your life-support systems and has left you without the sence of touch.
:: Dolores enters, with nubile young sacrificial persons following::
I wish, O Wise and Glorious, for a transporter like on Star Trek. I would like to have exclusive copyrights and trademarks for this device, so I may have the monopoly in the market. I would love to put the energy tyrants out of business, and make travel and commerce virtually free.
To go with the other gifts you have received already I bring an extra large bottle of penicillian.
Well if I want to make some evil wishes…
I wish Cher would make another album and movie.
I wish the idea of only putting beautiful women in movies and television to be reversed.
I wish that Chocolat wins the Oscar for best picture.
I wish to become a Repubilcan.
I wish the quality of a science fiction universe was really judged by the firepower of their inhabitants.
I wish I wasn’t taught to spell by Spooje.
I wish that it was the '80s again.
My wish for myself is that I would look like Antonio Banderas but not be married to Melaine Griffith.
You wish to put movies and televisions into beautiful women?
Absoul…
I bring you gifts for all of the senses.
For the sense of taste:
I offer you the holy fluid that is single malt scotch, to please the palate with its smoky, peaty flavors.
For the sense of hearing:
I bring you the bellybutton of Britney Aguilera, as proof that she shall never profane your ears again.
(Hey, you never learned of negative reinforcement?)
For the sense of feeling:
I present to you a young kitten, so that you can feel the soul-satisfying softness she gives, as she purrs contentedly in your lap. (This one counts double towards the hearing thing)
For the sense of smell:
Yon gilt platter contains several vials of exquisite perfumes, to tickle the nose and please the sense of smell.
And finally, for the sense of sight:
I have arranged for you to travel to each of the locations named in the thread about “Nature’s wonders that awed you”, and see them through the eyes of the submitters.
These things I bring you, and I ask only humbly that you… that you…
Aw, crap. I forgot my wish.
Just pull something good out of your bag, will you? Or else ask Barnstormer to give me a ride in his biplane. I always liked bipes! Thanks!
:Ralf walks off muttering about the Alzheimer’s disease that seems to run in the Coder family::
