Q. Which Department is Congress considering doing away with, due to budget constraints (it’s office, a refrigerator carton in Washington, D.C., costs $300 a month to rent)?
A. President Reagan wanted to do away with it.
Q: What is liberalism?
(I’ll take Potpourri for $400, Alex!)
A: John Wayne Bobbitt and Madelyn Murray O’Hair
Q. Who’d you invite to your "Nipped in The Bud"party?
A. Lemonade and Vicodan
Q: What did Lucy Van Pelt get arrested for mixing without a permit?
A: Boss Crump would like to have a word with you.
Q: What are the last words Opie Taylor hears after Mayberry gets taken over my gangsters?
A: KCSuze, QueerGeekGirl, and a pay-per-view
Q: Along with raspberries, baking soda, jello shots, and a turkey baster, what do you need to have a real good time?
A: I’m sorry! KCSuze told me it would work.
Q: What’s this about jello shots and a turkey baster?
A: I’m just here for the food.
Q. So why did you decide to spend spring break in New Guinea?
A. He finally found his stick of deodorant.
Q: What finally seperated man from monkey?
A: I’m so glad I found you.
Q :What did the foundry worker say to the piece of iron?
A: Witch wear.
Q: So, how do Stevie Nicks make a living when Fleetwood Mac is on hiatus?
A: Colonel Velchev, Jaye P. Morgan, and Bill Watterson.
Q: What are the 3 worst porn names?
A: Luftwaffe
Q: What is GWB’s Secret service codename?
A: The Black Adder, the Pink Panther and White Zombie.
Q: Who’s escaping from the coloring book zoo to terrorize the city of London?
A: We’ll have to eat our way out of this.
Q: We’re trapped in a mushroom cellar beneath a house of fine cuisine. What in the hell are we going to do?
A: Snowflakes. I hate 'em. Every single effing snowflake.
Q: What is a peeve of the entire population of Phoenix, Arizona?
A: “All right, so a Bulgarian dictator, a cabaret singer, and a retired cartoonist enter a bar…”
Q: Do you have any jokes that don’t involve camels and Tantric lovemaking?
A: Don’t even think about fucking with my six-toed cat!
Q: Hey, why do you call this cat Claud Ballz ?
A: Monica’s dress.
Q: (In the year 2050) What’s that blue slip hanging in the Smithsonian?
A: Your words are never clear.
Q. Why do you, Joseph Smith, want Me, Jesus, to stop relieving myself on the snow?
A. Earwigs.