Q: What is the proper name for what old men have in their ears?
A: But you never take me anywhere anymore!
Q: Hey Governor Quinn, what say we stay in and watch the Manimal marathon tonight?
A: I’m not into that lifestyle any more.
Q: Why are you selling all your leather and whips?
A: It was found at Nag Hammadi.
Q: What’s the only thing I know about Gnostic scripture?
A: Ikea furniture names seem obscene.
Q: What do you think about our Danish Stool?
A: That’s a strange place to get a paper cut.
Q: What was the advertising slogan for the ‘Fluffy Wabbit’ toilet paper in opposition to the ‘Clint Eastwood’ toilet paper’s famous <Rough, Tough, and takes no Shit from Nobody> campaign?
A: 32 years in sollitary confinement.
Q: What is the new “mandatory minimum” sentense for rigging quiz shows?
A: We jump on you for over an hour, and then eat your relatives.
Q: What state motto discourages tourism?
A: That picture would be better as a panorama.
Q: Can you picture 'Beast Naked?
A: for the last time! Pillage BEFORE you burn!
Q: Geez, why are you so mad we toasted the Playboy Mansion?
A: It would look better in yellow.
Q: What do you think of my new “Prince Albert?”
A: The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers and Fat Freddy’s cat.
Q: What’s even better than the Cirque de Soliel?
A: Make them stop looking at me that way.
Q: What do you want me to do to those giant radioactive teddy bears?
A: As a matter of fact, I was sick as a dog.
Q: Are you aware you just sniffed a stranger’s butt?
A: Sun tea and no tan lines.
Q: Why did Edward Hillary stay in Nepal after climbing Everest?
A: There can be only one.
Q: Why weren’t both Olsen twins invited to the brothel?
A: Sunday is a day for naps.
Q: You are turning down tickets to the SuperBowl?!? Why?
A: the lint that forms in your bellybutton
Q: What did you knit that sweater out of?
A: A narrow-minded goose.
Q: If RIch Gossage was a bigot, what would that make him?
A: The President wants to know why you stole his taco.
Q: Why do you suppose I am being followed by ominous black helicopters?
A: Lake Titicaca (sp?)