Q: Why are all your home appliances made by Ron Popili?
A: Just ask the Axis.
Q. We would of course say “Talk to the hand,” but what did Hitler say when someone said something he disagreed with?
A. What surprised me was that the executioner was actually a real gentleman.
Q: So, how was your trip to Chop-Chop Square?
A: I can’t find it.
Q. What is one real ego-buster to say to a virtually unendowed man with his pants down?
A. The spleen.
Q. What internal organ is most often replaced by a nest of hornets?
A. It’s a wombat.
Q: What’s that beast running away with our business plans?
A: Colonel Mustard, maybe, but certainly not Mr. Green.
Q: Who’s the gay guy in the Library with the Revolver?
A: The Defenestration at Prague.
Q: What kept all those Czech glass-makers in business?
A: This has been a presentation of the Chubb Foundation.
Q: What’s the last credit in one of those college, high-brow sex movies?
A: Jack Black in drag.
Q: What was voted “third-most-repulsive-thought-in-the-world” by the editors of “Weirdos Monthly”?
A: Eamon De Valera did it, I swear!
Q: Who hid the corpse in the trash can?
A: So it could hide in the strawberry patch.
Q: Why did you kick Strawberry Shortcake out of her home after you pulled that bank job?
A: The “classic rock” station on your radio dial.
Q: What is keeping this thread alive on page 15?
A: Three hearts and three lions
Q: What’s in the briefcase?
A: Unfortunately, the manuscript was destroyed by two hobos for no apparant reason.
Q: Whatever happen to “The Great American Hovel”?
A: A length of garden hose and a Zippo.
Q: Besides a can of beans, what do I need to beat lieu’s Guiness World Book record?
A: Thirty-three years of wedded bliss.
Q: What do I have the bad feeling that I will never get?
A: Lowell Weicker, Lowell Weicker, Lowell Weicker…
Q: What’s the lamest summoning spell you know?
A: A small teapot, in orbit round pluto.
Q: What’s brewing near Uranus?
A: Like shells along the seashore.
Q: What’s “sells along the seesaw” sound like when lisped?
A: So, I married an ax-murderer.