Q: What’s your average Pit rant composed of?
A: She nipped it in the bud.
Q. Why does Hedgewick hate his mother?
A. Cecil Adams, Sluggo, and Ed Zotti.
Q. Who rode to cleveland on choppers to “fuck up those Mensa assholes?”
A. Day-old peach cobbler.
Q: What’s for desert every night after 25 yrs of marriage?
A: 42 days and counting.
Q: How long have I been trying to think of a clever question for
Blackdragon’s answer?
A: Q.E.D. and a bunch of nonsense.
Q: You got a legitimate response from who, and then what all else in response to that “Horrible Disfiguring Buttock Rash” tread you started?
A. It’s Ohio’s Largest and Finest.
Q: Why did I win that award for my hideous buttock rash while I was visiting Ohio?
A: Orange Skinner’s fondness for mentioning rashes.
Q. What nearly killed this fine thread?
A. She said “Aloha” and then kneed me in the groin.
Q: Why did you set Governor Lingle on fire?
A: Hobbes later went on to appear regularly in all the fine Las Vegas casinos.
Q: So after Brad Pitt assaulted him for calling him “nasty, brutish, and short,” what did happen to him?
A: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Q: Who is opening for Billy Joel at the First Union Center next Friday?
A: Paregoric, Cheerios, and raspberry syrup.
Q. What the hell did you put in these brownies?
A. It smelled faintly of ducks.
Q: Dear, why did you launder our bookmark to Google.com?
A: They only come out at night.
Q: Is there any reason that you’re standing outside that cave?
A: It’s the only way to fly.
Q: What is Four Roses Fortified Wine’s new slogan?
A: Because there’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.
Q: Why was slopping out so messy at San Quentin Gaol in 1845?
A: Two huge ones.
Question: How many World Wars have there been?
Answer: Q.E.D.
Q: Who was the lesser-known DuBois?
A: Temerity.
Q: If Sonny and Cher had had a boy instead of Chastity, what would they have named him?
A: The prothonotary warbler
Q: What is the ugly bird seen hanging about the Courthouse, crapping on everyone, with the call, “Sue, Sue, Sue?”
A: That wasn’t a corked bat, that was my Mama!