Q: What’s the lamest excuse Albert Belle ever came up with for his conduct?
A: I’m afraid that we’re sinking.
Q: So what was it that DiCaprio said in that car on the cargo deck that led to the sex scene?
A: It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a shot rang out…
Q: What’s the worst way to open an essay on Tennessee Williams?
A: Far From the Madding Crowd.
Q: Hey Quinn!! Where ya been?!?
A: A song to soothe the savage breast
Q: What did I sing to the angry boobies?
A: Half my age plus six.
Q: So what was it that Conway sang to Dolly on the Grand Ol’ Opry, 'beast?
A: Two medium-rare hamburgers and the taillight from a 1947 DeSoto
That ##%## puppy snuck in ahead of me!!
Okay:
Q: How old was that girl I saw you with last week, Hero Pup?
A: Two medium-rare hamburgers and the taillight from a 1947 DeSoto
Q: What did they find in Marlon Brando’s stomach during surgery?
A: The best a man can get.
Q: Got any womanly advice?
A: It went in with nary a splash.
Q: So, lieu, how did your toaster/bathtub experiement go?
A: I’ll be in Washington and New York for the next 9 days, might run into some of the other Dopers while out there.
Q: Governor Quinn, why are you installing the spikes and armor plate on your car?
A: The Crab Nebula
Q: What’s Quinn’s girlfriend’s pet name for her “nether regions?”
A: Destruction, terror, and mayhem.
Q: What’s it like teaching in a public school?
A: It’s, like, kinda’ squishy, and it, like, kinda’ hops around a bit, you know…
Q: How do most women describe their first sexual encounter?
A: Lawyers, guns, and money.
Q: Rank the means of negotiation in order of desirability.
A: Ted and Bob and Carol and Alice
(Yes, tnat works by itself too - they all should, don’cha think?)
Q: Hey Stavros, what do you call your four siblings?
A: The four horsemen of the Acropolis
Q: What did the busboys at the Greek Diner name their motorcycle club?
A: New York City’s new gay-porn directory for shut-ins.
Q: There’s a new magazine called Gallup Pole, which stands for Gay and Lesbian Lifestyle Users of Porn whose Persons Obtain Limited Exposure. What is their demographic business plan?
A: Grape Nuts®, a badger, and a thong worn by Anna Kournikova.
Q: What are the ingredients of my prize-winning meatloaf recipe?
A: Because that’s the way I like it.
Q: KC, why does the Sunshine Band sing so many songs on that same old formula?
A: The answer is blowing in the wind