Q: What areobatic maneuver does a mourning dove use just prior to alighting?
A: A bottle of butterscotch syrup, a tube of KY Jelly, and the Revised Standard Bible
Q: What’s in the Emergency Kit found in the late Strom Thurmond’s glove compartment?
A: Because if it hadn’t, it would have been broken off.
Q: Why did ol’ Strom remove himself rapidly from the “uppity” goat?
A: Ninety-Eight
Q: What was the model of Oldsmobile that finally caught on with the buying public?
A: A 23¢ stamp, an Elvis wig, and an over-ripe apricot.
Q: What was left in Jim Carrey’s dressing room after the making of ‘Man On The Moon’?
A. The 1910 Fruitgum Company.
Q: What is the most obscure MST3K reference ever?
A: Ding-a-ling.
Q: What is the phonetic transcription of A. G. Bell’s mother’s Ojibwa name?
A. 5, 217.
Q: How many plastic surgeries has Michael Jackson had?
A: Mark ate it.
Q. What happened to the Twinkie Jesus wanted to have for dessert?
A. The judge liked my tie.
Q: Why did he order my neckwear removed before sentencing me to life in prison?
A: Worry not, Wilbur. Life on the farm will be lots of fun.
Q: What was the last line of George Lucas’s prequel to Orwell’s “Animal Farm?”
A. The entire city of San Juan.
Q. Who noticed that I had a little broccoli floret stuck in my teeth when you were proposing to me?
A. It would have been better if you had warned me.
Q: Why were you upset with the cold water colonic and VNC’s?
A: The shade replied—“If you seek for Eldorado!”
Q: I asked “Dear lamp, where is the gold?”
A: It sucked.
Q. How did that vacuum cleaner work?
A. It used to be a massage parlor.
Q: How did you know where that great new Thai restaurant was?
A: Because my mom told me it was OK.
Q: Why did you abandon your doctoral thesis and spend days in your room, masturbating?
A: Because, it will be the first badger in outer space.
Q: Why are you taking away my pet?
A: I think you are asking the wrong J. P. Morgan.
Q: Why’s this guy looking at me funny? All I asked was “Morgan, where’s my gravity bong?”
A. Then, she passionately cried out, “The law of diminishing returns!”
Q: Why does each successive date have a lower chance of reaching your G-spot?
A: What do you expect from a doberman with a water pistol?