Q: Who is Bill Gates in direct competition with?
A: My CD alarm clock radio, of course!
Q: What was recently advertised for hammering out dents in wallboard?
A: A large mousetrap under the rad behind my drawing table.
Q: How did you get an imprint of a steel bar across your body?
A: Chauncey Depew.
Q: What do you get when you cross Chauncey Gardener and Pepe Le Pew?
A: Internet radio.
Q: What have Wall of Voodoo, to the best of my knowledge, never been played on?
A: F. Scott Fitzgerald and his Orchestra.
Q: Who was the opening act for Big Bad Voodoo Daddy last night?
A: Mary Jane.
Q: What is the most popular girl’s [daughter’s] name among pot smokers?
A: 5 paper clips, some lint, 6 tweezers, a bottle of nail polish, 1 radio, and a helicopter.
Q: What’s the Burundian Air Force again?
A: Return of the Secaucus 7.
Q: What are Secaucus 1 through 6 waiting for, before they form their fleet?
A: The Minidisc.
Q: What can I throw at my brother to get his attention?
A: You’ll never like it unless you try it.
Q: Did Edward II really enjoy that rectal hot poker?
A: Your mother said you would.
Q: Who said I had to demonstrate the rectal hot poker insertion myself?
A: The blue ones are better.
Q: What are M&M’s?
A: Sierra Nevada.
Q: What do you find adjacent to Sierra Arizona?
A: The butcher, the baker, the candlestick-maker.
Q: Who oppose the plans to build an industrial slaughterhouse/bakery/waxworks?
A: Six bums, Mr. Green, and half the cast of “Bridge over the river Kwai”.
Q: Who was in “Debbie Does A Continent”?
A: It depends on how much grease you have.
Q: How long will it take me to do Dallas?
A: Reggae mixed with the bluegrass feel.
Q: What happened when Bob Marley got his stash mixed up with Kentucky turf samples?
A: I’ve wanted to spank you for years, so I’m sure this will hurt you more than it will me.
Q: What do you not want to hear from the babysitter?
A: And the beat goes on.
Q: What is the enscription on Sonny Bono’s headstone?
A: Any minute, the cockroaches will begin to dance.