Q: What’s that in your ear, and where can I get some?
A: I hit him with a frozen sea bass.
Q: Why did the blackjack player look all confused?
A: Because twisted children sell for a premium.
Q: Why do gymnast couples have a hard time finding life insurance?
A: The four-dimensional twist tends to complicate things.
Q: Why was Dee Snider’s life as a member of Twisted Sister so difficult after taking on siblings as roadies?
A: The Fuller Brush man hs the answer.
Q: All right, how do I paint my house?
A: Never touch the red button.
Q: what do you say to get people to press the red button?
A: millions of unfed demons scoured hungrily amongst ruined kingdom
Q: What happened in the lost “Magnificent Ambersons” footage?
A: Our love went thataway.
Q: What was the greatest double entendre removed from “Blazing Saddles”?
A: Pysanky. Really, really big pysanky.
Q: What art craze failed to catch on during the years when dinosaurs roamed the earth?
A: Yes, it’s Mother’s Day, but a pink chainsaw doesn’t ahem cut it.
Q: What question finally sent Norman Bates over the edge?
A: Sweet God Almighty, is that a half-ton of insence?!?!!?!?
Q: What was Apu mumbling in his sleep?
A: All we found was sixteen sequential hexidecimal bytes.
Q: Was there much left of last night’s pizza when you got home this morning?
A:Every day, like clockwork.
Q: How often have you broken your watch?
A: “Why Can’t We Be Friends?”
Q: Quick-name one of those shitty songs from the '70s that seems to get stuck in your head?
A: A dune buggy, some mercury, and a box of spiders.
Q: What was in the display in the Museum of the West, that led to the famous unscripted reenactment of Eight Legged Freaks in Reno, Nevada in 2006?
A: Barry Manilow’s tube socks.
Q: What did the beach loving alchemist have in his handy dandy “Spider Building Kit.”
A: I ended up with “666” tatooed on my forehead.
Q. What was your prize for being the 666th customer at Dave’s House of Disfigurement?
A. It’s all in the wrist.
Q. how do you throw so far?
A. moon dust
Q: What must the Man in the Moon do when expecting company?
A: A flaming outhouse.
Q: What’s the hot new drink in all the trendy NYC bars?
A: The nappy-headed schoolgirl.