Q: What did Mattel come out with after Fur Ken and Fur Barbie?
A: Umlaut.
Q: What is the latest toy in the “Two Dots Above Their Head” series?
A: I’m afraid we cannot accomodate your request.
Q: Would it be possible to give me all that money, land, and charisma?
A: Maybe on Thursday.
Q: What’s the next film in the “Day” series?
A: The name of the place is I Like It Like That.
Q: What do they call sexual nirvana?
A: The giraffe was wearing high heels.
Q: How could a 17 foot tall creature possibly reach 17 foot six inches?
A: The hedgehog had already signed a consent decree.
Q: So, why didn’t Jim go to jail?
A: Roxborough, Chestnut Hill, Mayanuk, and Oak Lane.
Q: What neighborhoods do I have to avoid in order not to get shot by the angry fathers of Shipley girls?
A: Take off that silly-ass hat.
Q: What do I have to do to get people to take me seriously for a change?
A: Pink and yellow intergalactic sea shells.
Q: What new pattern of Formica® is expected to debut at the fall home show?
A: It needs some pineapple.
Q: What does this beer comercial need?
A: Omeprazole is my favorite food.
Q: Now, is there anything you want me to get?
A: Your head on a stick!
Q. Why do you keep saying “Your head on a stick!” to everything I say?
A. They dont taste so bad once you put some oregano on them.
Q: How can you eat live mice like that?
A: I don’t want to go to Atlantic City.
Q: Would you like to emcee the Miss America pageant?
A: Although it tastes like chocolate, it feels like a rock.
Q: What do you think about that new candy, “Ch-rock-olate” from the makers of Mars Bars?
A: You just toss it into the blender.
Q. How did you puree that Gremlin so smooth?
A. I’m on the Atkins’, man.
Q: Why did you put a whole side of beef on the BBQ?
A: You twist it twice to the right and then pull real hard.
Q: Can’t you tell me how to open this *%@*(# door?
A: They blew up the chicken man in Philly late last night.
Q: Why are all the Chick-Fil-A stores draped with black bunting?
A: Binary Boogie.