Q: What should you see around the same day that pigs fly?
A: Col. Mustard, Prof. Plum, and Mrs. Peacock walk into a bar…
Q: What kind of clueless bunch is going to walk through the door next, the bartender asked.
A: Britney Spears virginity, in the Conservatory.
Q: What play based in ancient history is playing this weekend, and where?
A: Road Trip! Vancouver!
Q: What did the tourist say as he stumbled crossing Robson Street?
A: Liberals.
Q: Attn., U.S. Army draftee – won’t you please report to basic training at Camp Yagonnadie tomorrow?
A: moldy bread
Argh! Stupid simulpost… [grumble]
Q: Who killed Kenny (the bastards!) ?
A: moldy bread
Q: What food is best eaten with moldy cheese?
A: Underwear, with or without the occupant.
Q: What feminine garment is best worn on the heads of drunken college boys?
A: A herd of wildebeest and a box of dominoes.
Q: What was the consolation prize on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom in 1973?
A: Ellen, Maureen and/or Ted.
Q. So, what are you going to name your daughter?
A. When he got out the pickaxe and the tutu.
Q: Do you remember the most endearing photo of your Grandpa the coal miner?
A: A speckled bandicoot, a set of Windows™3.1 diskettes, and a jar of molasses.
Q: What are tonight’s Jeopardy topics, Alex?
A: Fortress of the Gods
Q: What were the Chariots of the Gods ticketed for being parked next to?
A: $50,000,000.01.
Q: What did the competition bid to beat our bid of $50 mil?
A: I feel free, or so says Cream.
Q: What was the alleged opinion of Eric Clapton and Jack Bruce?
A: I think you were born under a bad sign.
Q: Does anybody have today’s horoscope for Alfie (the Armadillo)?
A: Just look in the mirror
Q: Anyone know where the next celebrity sex god/dess can be found?
A: Slovenia, Carpathia, or Milwaukee.
Q: What will be the first name of the next inner-city rap artist?
A: Rain tomorrow.
Q: What’s the only thing that will prevent the Detroit Tigers from getting swept by the Yankees this week?
A: A green banana peel.