Q: What is the proper way to signal a librarian in the Reserve Reading Room?
A: Waldo was last seen boarding the 3:15 bus to Houston.
Q: Would you please explain why that crowd of 800 people, all wearing Stetson’s, is attempting to board that one small bus?
A: The scoops are coming!!! The scoops are coming!!!
Q: Why are you running, and why do all those men behind you look like “Scoop” Jackson?
A: Any state that would elect a Senator named “Scoop” is pathetic.
Q: So, who lost the coin toss?
A: A pair of concrete rabbits, sitting on the back fence.
Q: quilty, yer paw got drunk agin … sed he’d be ahuntin’ rabbits. Whur in tarnation we got rabbits 'round these parts?
A: Uhh … actually, she found a flashlight in it.
Q: Why did your wife just board the Mothership?
A: Grandmaster Holmes and Doctor W Ride Again…
Q: Why did she look strangely at the pooper-scooper?
A: Green, fuzzy, and melon-scented.
Q: Why is there a strange glow, coming out of the compost pile?
A: Soups on, so I’ll be saying goodbye for now.
Having been forgotten:
Q: You’re in the middle of a broadcast; where can you be going?
A: Grandmaster Holmes and Doctor W Ride Again…
Q: When I win the lotto, that’s when we’ll see…
A: It must’ve been the butler.
Q: So, why is the maid missing her head?
A: Bruce is lecturing in Adelaide today, and he’ll be back at the University of Wollamaroo tomorrow.
Q: Yo! You really want to cooperate with Papa Gamboni, y’see. Don’t wanna piss 'im off. So where is Bruce?
A: A jackhammer, a chocolate bar, and a black bra. Go figure.
Q: Was it the andler, the orler or the norler?
A:Pangea
Q: Who was Angea’s twin sister whose name no one could figure out?
A: Badgers, fruitcake, and a box of stale cannoli.
Q: Damn! That stinks! What on earth did you put in the microwave?!?
A: Parachute pants.
Q: What was your boyfriend’s nickname in college?
A: Tic Tac Toe
Q: What was that new flavor of breath mints that came out last week?
A: Either Marvin the Martian or the Ghost of Christmas Past.
Q: Who broke the lamp?
A: It appears that the city of Los Angeles is steadly sinking, and that we’re all doomed.
Q: Which costume will be met with a large “KABOOM?” There has to be a large KABOOM!
A: The weasels have knitted excess fur into a sturdy rope approximately 224 metres long.
Q: Why are my feet wet?
Q: How will we ever escape the doomed sinking city?!
A: No thanks, I’m drunk.