Q: What should I do, now that all the fire trucks have gone?
A:You can use anything but your hands.
Q: What bedroom demand finally made you dump your girlfriend?
A: The calls are coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!
Q: While alone at home, what makes you most crazy about Nextel© DirectConnect™?
A: Dancing badgers, some mushrooms and a snake.
Q: What got Emeril kicked out of the Sorbonne’s cooking school?
A: Hockey Night in Argentina.
Q: What is the least watched program on Fox Sports Worldwide?
A: Moe Greene, without a doubt.
Q: Is there a mnemonic to help me remember where to aim the lawnmower?
A: More food, more wine!
Q: What were Lard Fattagut’s last words?
A: Who, me?
Q: Is that you?
A: But only after washing the car.
Q: So it is OK for men to wax?
A: Put that in a drawer.
Q: It keeps wriggling about, and peein’ all over the place, what should I do with it?
A: That’s why I have two printers.
Q: You’re one of the West’s greatest experts on stereoisomers?
A: Most of a bus ticket to Bancroft.
Q: How much of your time on that journey was spent having sex with a Portuguese prostitute?
A: Purina Tiger Chow.
Q: What’s the ONE commodity you can’t buy in Las Vegas anymore?
A: Just open the little door, and stick your hand inside.
Q: What a cute pet tarantula you have in your terrarium. Can I pet it?
A: Arnold – no, that’s too easy 
A: A tree, three rubber bands, and a case of cola.
Q: You’re going to build the world’s biggest stabile, what ever will you use?
A: 36 cases of wax lips.
Q: What did they find in Amsterdam airport next to the baboon noses?
A: Digital rado, digital television, and even digital popcorn.
Q: What entertainment products have been digitized, or are soon to be, even to the extent of knocking out the ‘i’. WTF is digital rado, anyway?
A: About the time we hit the switch, Captain, he was gone!
Q: When did Q: When did Q: When did Q disappear?
A: Malware. Or salami. I’m not sure.
Q: Which was the last fringe nation to sign on to the “coalition of the willing?”
A: Two buses and a train to get back on her good side.
Q: Which three transportation vehicles have to be filled to the max with candy, jewels and flowers, not that you’ve committed that dreadful breach of etiquette?
A: I finally found it, except, now, I don’t want it.