I didn’t know it was my job to help - I was just offering my opinion. If I were to offer advice, it would be to treat your husband honestly, openly, and like a partner. Just ask him what the deal is. It might be nothing, and he will explain it to you, or it might be something you guys need to discuss between you, and you can discuss it between you. Problem solved.
He might have looked at porn on his phone. Big deal.
This really is the nub of it. Drama aside in the real world a lot of men surreptitiously browse porn simply as bored voyeurs and not with the goal to cheat on their wives, or procure a mistress, or indulge hardcore fetishes. They generally have the same level of emotional investment in doing this as women do in browsing pinterest, and maybe less. And beyond this he’s doing this in a tiny little corner of his life on his shitty little cellphone browser, it’s not like he’s cataloguing his porn collection in the living room.
He was an idiot for doing it in the first place as the very first thing most wives will do if they get ahold of their husband phones is look at the texts and browsing history. It’s guaranteed. However, all that is beside the point as it’s obvious the OP wants to make this a big, big thing in their relationship and have a big discussion which will end with him resenting her and simply being more careful with deleting his browsing history.
You would be better off keeping your mouth shut and checking his phone from time to time to see if there is anything more serious re sexting texts etc that you really need to be concerned about. Giving him a heads up that you’re a snooper will have him lock you out of future activities.
WTF?
My wife would NOT behave the way you’re talking about - and if she did, I would be beyond upset.
I don’t keep things from her, she knows my password, I don’t need to delete texts or browsing history.
My phone is my phone - it’s not hers to go through as and when she feels like it to find evidence that I’m a bad person.
What sort of a loony, distrustful world do you live in where “surveillance” of the husband is necessary because he just can’t wait to cheat?
To the OP - I’d be more interested in knowing how come you were checking his browsing history?
Yeah that’s just crazynuts. No normal wife would ever poke through her hubby’s cell texts and browser history if she had his cellphone. What the hell was I thinking?
You are right. It is extremely common behavior among wives and girlfriends and I never understood why. Either they will find nothing which leaves them wondering what he is hiding or they find something, anything, and it leaves them hysterical. It is a no win situation for them but they still feel compelled to do it. OTOH, I would never even open my wife or girlfriend’s purse, cell phone or computer unless she gave me explicit permission to do it. That is personal property even if you are married.
I agree with the statement that men are going to look at look at porn no matter what. That is what we do and there is nothing anyone can do to completely stop it. It has nothing to do with any other relationship in the least unless it is interactive and repetitive. It the same thing as women looking at shoes in an a store window.
Don’t tell that to my ex-wife though. She searched everything I had constantly. I mean full physical room searches as well as my computer and vehicle even though I wasn’t doing anything. She once found a link to a topless pic that I looked at and there was absolute hysterical, screaming and there was hell to pay. After an episode like that, you don’t change your behavior, you just get better at hiding it. My computer was much better protected and encrypted after that. I would have listened if I thought it was a reasonable request but there is no way I was going to go through life being physically threatened if I just casually saw a picture of a topless woman. That type of thing is a big part of why I am happily divorced now and hope to stay that way.
The husband presumably has some male friends and assuming they have some online community like facebook or some semi private forum it is very likely they post porn, like dayum look at this chick etc. And like I said even a pic in img will look like it he went to the site in the history.
Even if she has a problem with her husband looking at porn, it is almost impossible to be a part of a group of guys online without porn being posted. So this could be the equivalent of being freaked out because your husband saw a nude pin up girl on the wall while playing poker with his friends in a garage.
Like I say, my wife of 17 years doesn’t go looking through my phone or computer, she doesn’t check my texts, look at my emails or anything else. that is my business.
She’s not out there with the belief that “all cats eat fish” - or if you prefer, all men cheat, it’s just a matter of when you are going to catch them.
I don’t see it as “normal” to want to check up on me. It might work well for Horotiao Caine (Trust but Verify crap) - but it doesn’t work for me. I would see it as a huge violation of my trust and just as big of a violation of her integrity were such behaviour to be happening.
So I’m going to ask you a few questions…
a) Are you married?
b) How long for?
c) Amongst your friends that think this behaviour is normal - what is the marriage history like?
I don’t see a marriage lasting if the wife sees the husband as someone who must “be checked” for inappropriate behaviour
I’m going to have to agree that men look at porn, period. It bothers me she is “checking up” on him.
Now yeah, if she actually suspects him being unfaithful thats one thing. If she cant stand the thought of her man looking at another womans body, then she has the problem.
And no husband would look at porn if he knew his wife saw that behavior as a violation of trust…but you know, people aren’t perfect. Apparently, their marriage isn’t yours.
That’s a good one!
The OP would really have something to worry about if her husband’s browsing history included sites like gettingawaywithmurder.com or safebodydisposal.com (I am not clicking on these “links” to find out if they go to actual websites. It would not surprise me. :eek:).
Were you snooping on his phone?
No, you shouldn’t question him about it. His phone is his private space and you are not allowed to question him about it. That’s pretty much how me and my wife operate. I don’t snoop in her business and she doesn’t snoop in mine. It’s wonderful.
She can’t even bring herself to type that awful “b word”.
Your username suggests you can’t either.
Well thanks for all the replies so far.
I guess i will give some more background info.
A few years ago i caught him going on a site called break.com. I was really upset and he told me he went on it because he was curious.
He promised not to do it again since it hurt me so much.
I came here thinking people would know more about technology than me and could tell me whether it was possible for him to not have gone there even if it was in his history.
I have not confronted him about it.
I cant say i am not upset.
I am clinically depressed and have suffered from depression for many years.
Thanks again
I just read about break dot com (which vigilink has made into a link, whether you wanted it to or not) and it appears to be just a humor site. Was it/is it porn?
My dad’s name was Rich, so I am in reality the son of a Rich.
Chances are that he did go there on purpose. That is what men do. However, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you, find you attractive or anything else.
This board is pretty rational once you average all the responses out. A lot of people here and elsewhere suffer from clinical depression and are sympathetic to it. Going through other people’s phones or computers, even if it is a significant other, doesn’t generate nearly the same response because it is creepy and intrusive even for those closest to you. You could go through almost anyone’s browsing history and find something suspect but it hardly ever means anything for general sites. Only personal correspondence with a specific person over time are worth confronting a person over.
I would suggest that you seek help for your clinical depression even if it is just starting a thread asking questions here rather than making things worse by confronting a person close to you about something that probably means nothing. The former activity may help you, the latter never will.
What’s wrong with break.com?
My husband looks at porn. I don’t care. Does this make me a bad wife? I don’t think so. Does this mean that he’s out looking for prostitutes or hook ups when he’s out of town? Again, I don’t think so. Men look at porn, that’s just what they do. Shrugs, that’s OK with me.
However, checking the browser history on someone’s private device just seems really wrong. There are times when my husband asks me to look at an incoming text for him and I feel very uncomfortable.
To the OP, I wouldn’t worry about it that much. He’s a man. Men look at porn. He probably just clicked on something because he saw the link. I mean, be honest with yourself, how good is the porn on an android screen? You’d have to spend a lot of time enlarging the image enough to see details and then you couldn’t get the whole picture.