You have unrealistic expectations for how people are going to behave on a private device. If you are going to relate your husband looking at a porny site on a private smartphone browser to a serious breach of trust in your marriage then your standards are set at such a level you are almost guaranteed to be disappointed. You are setting up both yourself and himself for a pointless confrontation.
Flip it around. Let’s say your husband saw that you had been poking though his cellphone and he was the type to be very protective of his privacy and viewed your action as a serious breach of trust in your marriage. He never let you forget it and told you that he wasn’t sure he should trust you with anything now. He harped on it and held it over your head, that you had “raped” his privacy, and made sure that he locked down all his personal data not matter how trivial so that you could not get at it.
You might say you’re sorry to him, but in your head you’d be thinking “What a jerk to get so upset about that. All wives and girlfriends do that to check up on their men, it doesn’t mean I’m raping his privacy”. A man secretly browsing porn on his cell browser and a wife or girlfriend surreptitiously checking his cell history & texts has about the same level of petty trust violation. Some people will view this more seriously than others. If I discovered a girlfriend has gone through my phone it would be annoying at about the same level that you’d be pissed a kid for grabbing cookies left on shelf they could get to with a chair. It’s what they do, it’s what they’ll always do. Women are hyper alert for relationship status information and a cell phone is a gold mine of private data. Some will have the rectitude to say no to looking, but most will look if they can get away with it.
If a woman’s world is going to collapse on her man browsing porn sites or a man’s world blow up because his wife checking his phone history then relationship implosion is almost assured.
Woah, back up a minute here. How do we know this guy has even visited any adult sites in the first place? The OP mentioned two sites which don’t even link to x-rated content (according to previous posts) but they sound exactly like sites that carry jokes & memes that get passed around by email.
What I’m getting from this thread is that everyone has different privacy levels. I’d be outraged if my husband thought that I NEEDED to check his phone/tablet/comp history just because I’m a woman. He would probably be outraged if he thought that I automatically assumed that he was cheating on me because he’s a man and likes to check out porn.
How could someone really say that they loved someone if they couldn’t trust them?
Now, I will confess that it entertains me to read his books, but that’s because he writes in them. I like to see his thought process, and he doesn’t care and is often happy to share what he thought when he wrote the notes in the margins.
I have kept journals since I was 20. My husband won’t look at them unless I ask him to, and they are just journals, not diaries. We respect each other’s privacy and we trust each other. That’s what love means. IMO. YMMV.
After thinking about this thread, I’m thinking that I might be a bad wife because I assume that my husband is looking at porn just because he’s a man. I haven’t seen him watching it since I moved in with him, I just assumed that he looked at it because he was a man. I know that we both have pasts and neither of us were virgins when we met for crying out loud.
So I’m going to stop assuming that he looks at porn and still won’t check out his tech toys because then I’ll probably see unicorns farting rainbows and butterflies. Porn is fine in my mind…holly hobby stuff would make me lose my dinner and then I’d all my respect for him would be gone.
GOOD GAWD, BILL, HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLEY BE LOOKING AT THAT SHIT!?!?!
Oh yeah, flatlined, as usual you have nailed it. I never spy on my husband but if I glanced over his shoulder and saw My Little Pony, well, that would probably be the end of something!
Your three posts that you’ve made so far are all stepping over the line of what’s okay to say here to other posters outside of the BBQ Pit.
Don’t make personal attacks like this again.
Hm, I just checked, and it takes me all of 2 clicks to totally clear my browser history in my droid. [Actually, other than when we are on a road trip I rarely use the browser on my phone for anything and the last time I used it as an internet device was 3 ears ago on our road trip to California …]
I am changing out the ebooks and music on my husbands droid at least once a month, and I have never ever bothered checking his messages, texts or browser history. We have been married 23 years, and I am also on his desktop and laptop all the time, and never bothered checking his emails or browser history. He frequently uses my phone to call in payments to utilities, answer the phone while I am driving, respond to texts. It is called trust, we haz it.
If one of us were screwing around, with as cheap as a burn smart phone is, we would have a burn phone and the issue of odd shit on the phone would never pop up.
Stop checking his damned phone, sit down with him and ask him RIGHT NOW about anything that you are upset about, and then leave his phone and computers the fuck alone, all you will do is drive yourself and him nuts, and if you drive him nuts with suspicions of screwing around, it may become a self-fulfilling problem.