“… flexing the nipple clamps. Rub lubricating oil into the pump head, insure the pump is fully errect and … mmmnnn what was I talking about?”
“The best things in life are …”
…cylinder shaped and covered in hair. You know I was talking about a hair brush right…?"
"Why is it everytime I leave my underwear hanging on the line…
“… it starts to rain, and then the chainmail rusts.”
“The main cause of premature ejaculation in America these days is …”
“… sexual arousal.”
“How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if…”
“… it wasn’t nailed to the side of a barn”
“The quickest way to lose weight is …”
…To put it in a Safe Place (“I’m sure I’ll remember where I put it!”)
Little Miss Muffet sat on a …"
… Little Miss Muffet butt."
“Came in the front door, heard the…”
“… back door slam. Darn I hate it when the air pressure differential makes that happen”
“To avoid skid marks on your underwear …”
“wipe till the toilet paper comes back clean.”
“And the winner of the Biggest Douche Of The Universe pageant is…”
“…unable to attend because of her prior engagement as a human shield in Iraq.”
“Hail, Caesar! We who are about to…”
“… have an orgy were wondering if you would like to join us. We have a dozen new slave Girls fresh in from Brittania who need to be broken in”
“When I look in the mirror …”
“while shaving, I tend not to get mocked by my boss as much, which is good seeing as I’m the Queen’s butler.”
“Advertisements for Zoloft, the Pill, and Viagra…”
“…are common in American schools”
“Sir, would you care to…”
“quit playing Twister with the President? He has a lot of work to do.”
“If you spill your coffee…”
“on your monitor don’t panic, simply throw it out the window.”
“I remember you, you rememeber me, we both know…”
“…rather more about Imperial Snow Walkers than we really want to.”
“Hey, babe, you want to come over to my place and…”
“…reinstall Windows?”
"Loreen looked hungrily at the photograph of Clyde on the table. It would be another week before he got back from the rig offshore. She moaned and shifted herself restlessly on the couch. It was so hot. The cicadas buzzed steadily outside the trailer.
Suddenly the door burst open. With maniacal grins, in marched…"
“a troop of Oompah Loompahs to tend to her every desire.”
“Cover my back, I’m going…”
“… into Castro to buy cheesecake”
“I’m just a poor boy from a poor family,
spare me my life from this monstrosity,
Easy come, easy go, will you let me …”
…take your Merc for a spin round the block?"
"I’ve ran out of lube, I guess i’ll just have to…