… in my pants if we don’t find a restroom soon."
“Tis better to have loved and flossed than…”
“… to have dumped and flushed”
“George Michael’s biggest release was …”
“in the bathroom stall.”
“There’s nothing better than falling in love, except maybe…”
“getting the clue right on Jeopardy! when none of the contestants have it.”
“The thing I like most about Dick Cheney…”
“… is his cute little smile whenever he is wearing his George Bush butt plug.”
“Before putting on underpants allways check for …”
“streaks and spots – wipe wipe wipe wipe!”
“Because excessive drying of the skin may occur, start with one…”
“… of your most masochistic slaves, heat the brand till white hot and place firmly against the slave left buttock for between 3 and 5 seconds, quickly remove the brand, and douse the wound with spirit alcohol.”
“Discipline is maintained in the modern army by means of …”
“…educational cartoons.”
“In 1852, Europe was at a crossroads. On the one hand, the popular rebellions of the previous 15 years had shown that significant discontent remained. On the other…”
“…hand, the discontent stemmed largely from the shortage of high-quality syndicated columns, which the coronation of King Cecil was expected to alleviate.”
“Having learned from the grisly example of Danimal, Bippy the Beardless feltched only the correct goat, resulting in…”
…a knighthood from the benevolent aforementioned King Cecil,"
“Hi. This is Jim Rockford, I can’t come…”
“to your party this Friday. Mostly because you didn’t invite me, but there are a few other reasons.”
“The American Revolution…”
“began when the president’s hummers became known publicly.”
“The first step in giving a sensual massage is to get some oil and…”
“…apply it liberally to the goat’s back.”
“To choose one’s victim, to prepare one’s plans minutely, to slake an implacable vengeance and then…”
“have it all fall apart when your intended victim does not answer when you mumble ‘Sphincter says what?’”
“Those hippies over there…”
“look like an acid trip gone wrong.”
“Next time I hear those wicked words I’m gonna…”
“ask the contestant whether he knows the risk he’s taking in making it a ‘True Daily Double.’”
“Her husband arrived home just as she…”
“…initialised the disk-recovery routine. Because of the noise of the turbines, she didn’t hear the car door slam, and she had actually picked up the goat, the oil, and the salad tongs when the living-room door abruptly opened.”
“Peppermint patties are the One True Way to…”
“make hell freeze over.”
“In a city where beef dealers and porterhouse pushers roam free, two of Jersey’s finest fight for…”
“…the right to party”
“Call me Ishmael…”
“…the mayoralty, a contest finally won by Bippy the Beardless, who took 97% of the goat vote.”
“Not to be intrusive, my darling, but just what is that…”