“try a Western Whopper from Burger King.”
“My parole hearing is tomorrow. Last time…”
…I get to drop the soap in the shower might be tomorrow morning."
“In the meantime, I need to extinguish this…”
“…court order from my ex-wife. Who can we buy or kill?”
“In the northern regions, many trucks and SUVs are used for their original puroses, which were…”
“… roller-scates for Polar Bears.”
“Saddam Hussain’s last words were …”
" …’<Mom! No! I’m not having another Fedayeen metal party! No! It’s a state function! The Ministry of Defense is briefing me on the latest manoeuvres! Mom? Mom! You never listen to me! What? No! We’ll get you that hearing aid one of these days. Look, Mom, I have to go. General Sharif is waving a note in front of me. What do you mean ‘I’m less important than the boys’? Mom! I’m trying to run a &^^%@(* country here! Let me do my job!! What? I can’t hear you. CNN? The palaces? Mom! Stop watching that infidel trash!! Americans? The New Presidential Palace? No, Mom! Never! I have the memo from the Minister of Information right here! ‘No Americans in Baghdad!’ Mom! No, he is not a lunatic! I chose him myself! We…>’ "
BOOOOOOOOM
“Nothing runs like a…”
“…cheetah, unless it’s a cheetah with no legs, in which case it runs rather less well.”
“As God is my witness, I’ll never be…”
“… a believer in God, so help me God”
“A puppy is not just for christmas, but …”
“…also makes a nice light snack!”
“Chocolate is the gods’ punishement for…”
“… believing in fad diets”
“To prove that God does not exist you simply have to …”
“…listen to Fran Drescher’s voice for five minutes.”
(Whew! For a little while there I thought I had killed a 689-post thread!)
“Never send to know for whom the bell…”
“…be ringin’, or is that the telephone…”
“If you don’t eat your meat…”
“…then that XL Bacon Double Cheeseburger will be merely a cheese sandwich.”
“Well it’s one for the money, two for the…”
“…show, three to get ready, and four to row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to go out with me?”
“The Isle of Wight…”
"… will be reanmed for political correctness reasons to ‘The water separated land mass of Wight’ "
“Sexual Gymnastics is the best way to …”
“…refused to comment about the lawsuit pending against it by salt-and-freshwater marshes, stating instead that it’s just a brack-and-Wight issue.”
“I’ve never liked clowns…”
“… not since Gilleppo killed my parents and ate my pet hamster”
“Spelling is over-ratted because …”
“…all those damn rats got in on a technicality. Now we can’t get rid of 'em.”
“Why, oh why, didn’t I take…”
“…that underwater basket weaving with hampsters class in college?”
“The best things in life are…”
“…free. You just pay a modest shipping and handling charge.”
“Yesterday, all my troubles seemed…”