“centered around this wart I found on my behind.”
“We were on our way to see Shawshank Redemption when…”
“my wife told me she wishes she’d married Crazy Sam, the guy who hangs out at the library all day pretending to be a librarian, but answers every question by saying ‘How should I know?’”
“The crossing guard looked at me…”
“…kind of funny, like. As if he’d just had an unforunate accident with a vacuum cleaner.”
“Young man, I’ve warned you before about taking those hot…”
“mint julips I left on the table for Santa.”
“I had so many questions to ask her…”
“…and so little fuel left in the diesel-powered vibrator.”
“It’s at times like these that a man remembers…”
“…his momma’s home-made apple pie”
“We are The Borg. Resistance…”
…is futile yet tasty when chocolate dipped."
“This little piggy…”
“went to the bar and stumbled all the way home.”
“I ain’t in to makin love so come give me…”
“…my pre-game beer and paper.”
“Aaaahhh!!! Tubeheads! Tubeheads have…”
“… Russian Amps, and they are not affraid to use them.”
“The sillyest word in the English language is …”
“…philatelist.”
“Ring around the…”
“soft spot under your arm is a fungus called ‘ringworm’ not some message from aliens you dope”
“oh when the sun beats down…”
“… and the sky’s are blue, then is the time I think of ewe” – old Welsh love song.
“Beuty is in the eye of the …”
“…really drunk man at the end of the bar who is afraid to blink for fear of crushing her.”
“If the shoe fits…”
“… it have an epileptic shoe”
“If I had 1 cent for every typo I made, I could afford to buy …”
…all the tea in China and a side of fries."
“Pardon me…do you have any…”
“…reconstituted wombats? I’m almost out, and the only one I have left is starting to go stale. It keeps singing the theme song from Titanic (the 1927 musical, not the movie), and my roommate is about to go postal.”
“When in a mens’ ‘big and tall’ shop, the wise tourist is advised to always be on the lookout for…”
“…the big and tall fitter, who is waiting to have his way with you-not having has consensual relations since the Cubs last won the Pennant.”
“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, smelly old winos with fingerless mittens,…”
“…yada yada yada.”
“In China, there is old saying - One who kick donkey…”
“…get foot stuck in ass.”
“Seeing is…”