“…you had slammed it in a car door, only to wrench it out and drop it into the crushing jaws of an Australian crocodile, only for the Crocodile Hunter to save you and to have it mangled in a churning cement mixer.”
“This is the house that Jack built…”
....and over there is the barn that Didley Squat erected"
" Jack Plimsole, you are a chartered surveyor and a highly respected silage taster, you have have three minutes on your chosen specialised subject of the complete works of J.R.R Tolkien, specifically the text in the first three Paragraphs or ‘The Hobbit’ and your time starts now…"**
....and over there is the barn that Didley Squat erected"
" Jack Plimsole, you are a chartered surveyor and a highly respected silage taster, you have have three minutes on your chosen specialised subject of the complete works of J.R.R Tolkien, specifically the text in the first three Paragraphs or ‘The Hobbit’ and your time starts now…"**
“…‘In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a…’ um… ‘nasty slimy hole filled with…’ um… err… ‘the ends of worms and a dank smell…’ ummm… alright I admit it! I killed her and threw her body off the train outside Shanghai! I did it! Yoy hear me? I did it! And I feel good about it!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha…
<twitch>
What was I saying again?”
“Sunshine is essential to the body’s daily…”
...post count paddage, sorry you did say sunspace didn't you?"
" Sunshine you have been champion all week , and now for the 64,000 ruble question, drumroll please…What, and I will repeat that, What is the least amount of alcohol in the world?..take your time…"
“… regeneration, as it requires one to return to ones coffin and regain strength for the coming nights bloodsucking”
“Land of hope and glory,…”
“…thy name is Mars.”
“Please return your seat to the upright position and…”
“…boogie oogie oogie till you just can’t boogie no more.”
“Dial 10-10-987 to save…”
"…the world! Yes, that’s 101-0987 before you dial your call. [sub]Net profits go to the Amalgamated Fund to Help This Cartoonist. [/sub]Operators are standing by!
“Ice cream…”
“Is the creamiliscious, scrumpdelifabulous concoction of evil, pervers wait gain. It is an insidious plot by the illuminati to keep the masses under fat, happy, sugar-buzzing control… all hail the illuminati and their creation of hideous doom!”
“While it is true that I have been taking a large dose of antihistimines, it in entirely unfair to say that I am impaired by it. If fact…”
…they give me superpowers only rivalled by those in comic strips.
A comic strips because…
“…impaired is really far to mild a word for what I’m feeling right now. Mind if I take of all my clothes and ride the unicorn naked?”
“I’d really like to be your friend, but…”
“…I’m not sure i can deal with that shoestring drool hanging from the corner of your mouth.”
“The DR will contact your CA to inspect your…”
“…DA before you go to LA for your trial against your MIL about that VHS she stole from you and copied to DVD and sold on MTV dot com.”
“If you love something, set it free…”
" upon further review… if you love something chain it to a cot in a dank, dark basement, and feed it table scraps, and love it and pet it, and call it george… but make sure it puts the lotion on it’s skin…"
“Hell, I was down there last week with two hookers a thousand dollars worth of room service and…”
“…a goat. Nobody even noticed… they were too busy spinning the MFP investigation.”
"A ‘tornado’ is…
“… then I woke up, bum!”
“Sleep deprivation can cause …”
“Hell on a double-wide!”
I belive in fate, but so much of that lies…"
…of the side of the crusty bread if you try to spread to much on at the one time, but hey! it does taste great"
“Once in the cold-cuts section of my local Tesco the lady serving me told me that this week I would actually lose the lottery, seemingly she could see it in my pate`…”**
“…but we all knew that she was somewhat addlepatéd, and shouldn’t have been workinbg that part of the store at all.”
“Another good thing about Post-It Notes is that they can be used to…”