“I think: why is sex like snow, you never know how much your going to get or how long it will last.”
“Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they …”
“are known to be gay, and have a very pointy hat”
“the world must be coming to an end…”
“…my toast is burnt.”
“When we rise…”
"…we’ll sing ‘A-Vodie-Oh-Dough.’ "
“All happy families are alike…”
they’re all hiding some deep psychotic tendencies."
"If I ruled the world…
“…Dad would have to let me borrow the car”
“Deep inside, you’re a…”
“…spelunker.”
“We have nothing left to fear, but…”
“The Depression, failing banks, and unemployment.”
“I french fries with…”
“…spanish fly.”
“He’s a chip off the old…”
“…potato, which is why he tasted bad.”
“Making love to you makes me think of…”
“…the 21st letter of the alphabet.”
“Cry me a river…”
“…wail me a song.”
“He recited pi to twenty-five decimal places: three point one four one five nine two six five three five eight nine seven…”
…Then he wondered how it was that his pie could talk in the first place. Perhaps it was the napkin holder."
“You don’t know what you have until…”
“but after seven the headlining act (Democritus) took the stage.”
“Wow, after all that work…”
“… he realised that it would be much faster to write the digits of pi down, saving the monkey-butler who was transcribing the spoken digits much work, because, as everyone, knows, although monkey-butlers are immensely handy in all sorts of situations, their handwriting is atrocious. So the enumeration continued: …9323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 <2900 digits omitted> 1426912397 4894090718 6494231961…”
“After a few months of this, he quickly grew bored. He bought a plane ticket to Diego Garcia and…”
“…smothered a weasel with his pillow.”
“Don’t mess with wind-shied wipers without a bottle of duck sauce or else you’ll end up…”
“…battling the giant mutant wipers with your bare hands, or maybe some BBQ sauce if you’re lucky.”
“We were so poor when we were kids, our father would…”
…rent us out by the hour."
“That was years ago, and besides, the wench is…”
“your brother”
“The owl and the pussy cat…”
and the Irishman went into a bar.
He who would be a man must…