“runs to the cockpit and switch on the " Fasten you seatbelts” sign as I forgot to do it before bailing.
“Coke goes yellow when it is left in the sun for a while, it still tastes…”
“…like yellow Coke, the Coke for a more cowardly generation!”
“According to this map, it is only 4 more metres of rock to penetrate until we reach…”
“…the Motherlode of Coke syrup!”
“Watching the girls sunbathing on the apartment building roof beneath his window vantage point, Sam reasoned that with a magnifying glass he could…”
…find out what sun tan lotion they were using."
"You can fool some of the people all the time,…
“…but it’s easier to fool all of the people some of the time, and even easier (though embarassing) to fool none of the people none of the time… Fooling all of the people all of the time, however, requires the resources of at least one major media corporation.”
“Don’t sit on the red chair!..”
“…as it has just been repainted.”
“After considering how he would be remembered by historians a hundred years from now, the Admiral decided to say…”
“…‘Drat the torpedo thingies. Let’s keep on going this way for a bit, okay guys?’”
"With a some turpentine, a bit of elbow grease, and a whole lot of luck, you can . . . "
“…remove the paint from your dog’s butt without being bitten.”
“What we have here, is failure to…”
“ask permission before tarring and feathering the Secretary of Energy.”
“My second cousin wouldn’t stop crying…”
“…so I spanked him with a flaming tennis racket-now he has something to cry about.”
“The Professor’s experiments became more and more bizarre, until he attempted cross breeding a bunny with…”
“…his featherless chicken, which actually resulted in some tender meat. It wasn’t sure if it should hop of fly, but it was tasty.”
“It is time to face our destiny, men-will we shrink from our charge or…”
“…will we extend ourselves to our full tumescence, secure in our polarity?”
“Authorities estimate that the blockage will be cleared by…”
“…several gallons of Metamucil.”
“It’s often considered unsafe to…”
“…have sex with a giraffe on a ladder carrying less than a 1A rating.”
“OSHA inspectors will regularly…”
“inspect their OSHAs.”
(sorry in advance, I haven’t read all 26 pages…)
“If you can’t take the heat…”
“…then stop setting yourself on fire.”
“When I opened the toilet…”
“… I really wasn’t expecting a tiny genetically-engineered cow sitting in the bowl, mooing softly.”
“Your lack of understanding of…”
“…understanding is, as I understand, quite understandable.”
“If you build it…”
“…they will come. Shortly afterwards, so will the police. And lastly, the janitors.”
" ‘I may be crazy, but I’m not stupid,’ said the man as he…"
“… refused an offer to be Al Gore’s running mate in 2004, preferring to continue his life sentence.”
“If a drop of whisky on a scorpion’s back will cause it to sting itself to death, then a drop of Mountain Dew™ should…”