“…make the scorpion sting itself to death even faster (caffiene thing…)”
“Four score and seven years ago…”
“…it was 1916, and my Grandfather was messing with a primitive version of Windows.”
“But they always cut the red wire in the movies…”
“…nonetheless, we’re feeling bulletproof, and today, all day, we cut the green!”
“Everybody’s doin’ a brand new dance now…”
“…but Poppa’s got a brand new bag!”
“Whenever I feel a little down…”
“…I puts on my platform shoes!”
“Deciding between a new coon dog, bigger wheels for the truck, or a boob job for Bobby Sue was too much for Cooter to process, and so he decided to…”
…to do one third of each. Bobby Sue was not amused.
Neither was the dog.
Or the truck…
“…such that now Bobby Sue and the truck are lopsided, and the dog runs in circles, leaving odd marks in the dirt.”
“Well spank my sister and call me…”
“…Josephine. I always wanted a walk on the other side.”
“The only thing sharper than Joe Bob’s aim for deer was his aim for…”
…presidents, of course because his weapon of choice is a 1920’s style " Ray-Gun " it doesn’t really matter how accurate your aim is. The last time he tried to pop a cap in Bush jnr’s ass he only managed to slightly perm everyone in the crowds hair."
" Last week I was surfing when a 200ft killer wave…"**
“…turned everyones hairstyles back to 1950 standards. There was beehives everywhere, I tell ya…”
“Now that he had the tiny province of Buttkiss under his control, Malcolm III needed to establish himself as a conqueror by…”
“…forcing all of the conquered peoples to toss his salad.”
“One time when Dubya was in the oval office…”
“…Monica stopped by to kneel on the carpet and make the letter O, just for old times sake.”
“Winfred, you idiot! Now that you’ve set the hyperspace drive to 1953, our only choice is to…”
“…grab the remote, bail out, and learn to do the funky chicken! And you know that I have no musical talent.”
“Thursday afternoon when you pushed that button, I immediately noticed…”
“…how crystal clear everything became, and how my sinus problem cleard up immediately.”
“Yesterday I was talking to Mr. Brainburg, and he told me that…”
“…‘the strawberries are squorlum kikifanata dogface in the banana patch.’ I replaced his mainmodule and wheeled him back into the storage area. When are we going to get the new-model Mr. Brainburgs? The sales staff are threatening to quit!”
“Heat is Nature’s way of telling us to…”
“… put on wild-looking clothing and dance naked in the sunlight.”
“I believe that a breathing cadaver is the same thing as life, because…”
“…are we not undead? We are Devo!”
“Grunmeier felt as though he was on a staircase from an Escher drawing, climbing for hours yet never reaching the top, when suddenly…”
“…he came to the EDGE OF THE PAPER, after which Escher shooed him back into the picture.”
“Peppermint Foot Lotion works well until…”
“…you get Flavourful Frostbite[sup]TM[/sup].”
“Miraculously, the ravens had not yet…”
“… put on wide-brimmed fedoras to prepare for the Festival of the Tartans.”
“Why do we want to go into screaming dementia? Because…”