not be mistaken for anything other than what it was - the stench of the decomposing body of Fred’s neighbor in the trunk of the old Dodge."
“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to chew…”
“…on the dogs paws? You don’t know where they’ve been!”
“Thirty thousand strong, the pack of feral bunnies made their way towards…”
“… the reviewing stands, they were next in the Feral Animal Synchronized Ice Skating Competition.”
“Those chicken fingers were the best I ever had, only…”
“… they didn’t really go with the Corn Flakes.”
“Great care must be taken to shave…”
“… the wombat fur WITH the grain. Then marinade, stuff, truss and roast in the usual manner”
“A splitting headache caused me to suddenly awaken from a fitful sleep. I padded into the bathroom…”
“… took a pill, hung over the toilet attempting to vomit, took a pill, staggered back out to the living room, and only then noticed the earsplitting racket the sound system was putting out.”
" ‘I scanned the sherrif! But I did not scan the deputy…’ "
“… were the portentous last words spoken by renowned funnyman “Weird” Al Yankovic just moments before the lorry comically jack-knifed.”
“Either you sign this, or we’re gonna be forced to…”
“…do some things to you that our Moms would not approve of.”
“Seconds after the missile had been launched, the Wingman realised that…”
“…she was dreaming, and she had just thrown the alarm clock out the window.”
“Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the…”
girl whose heart I need to put in a box today?"
“Alright, who’s the wise guy who…”
“…mixed up the Ex-Lax and the Viagra?!!”
“According to A Dullard’s History of the Twentieth Century, the Second World War was ‘A buncha nasty dudes getting it on with tha good guys’. Critique this statement for historical…”
“…accuracy, and otherwise change the names to favorably reflect upon your country of birth.”
“As Matthew strode down the empty corridor of the missle silo, keys in hand, he could only hope that history would understand that what he was about to do was…”
"…a guy thing. Ultimately, finally, after all the remonstrations and arguments, after all the pleading looks and cold shoulders, after all the desperate political moves, it boiled down to one simple, elemental thing:
Stuff. Go. Boom."
“Mikhail! Where’d you put the snake…”
“…oil? We’ve got customers, boy!”
“Santa held the new prototype toy up that his chief elf had just finished. ‘No, no, this just won’t do,’ he said, 'It looks just like a…”
“…copy of Britney Spears, except she’s a 38DD.”
“Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to…”
“… slaughter we go.”
“Sometimes, I meet myself in…”
“…the act of trying to lose myself. Damn those Zen classes!”
“While listening to the steady schussing of the shower, Felix pondered…”
“…the advisability of skiing in the bath.”
“Microbots! Listen to your…”
“…program, and stop doing those stupid tricks!”
“Leslie took up a seductive pose on the couch, having disrobed and placed dollops of whipped cream on her…”
but she forgot to lock up the dog.
My mother in law is so bad she …