“…got into a barfight with the Hell’s Angels, and THEY called the cops”
“My printer is on the fritz, won’t be able to…”
“…print in German or English for quite some time. Good thing I can read Egyptian heiroglyphics.”
“Yes, I have a metre stick, and…”
And I’m still short.
Yesterday a girl slapped me in the face because …
"… now, you’re not gonna believe this, she just graduated from “The Slap the Face of the First Person You See Whom You Suspect of Being A SDMB Habitue.” Talk about niche schools!
“I running late for work, but I just gotta’…”
accept the fact I’m unemployed
My female Boss Is staring at me because …
“…I took casual dressing Fridays a touch too far and showed up for work wearing flip-flops and a toilet tissue cardboard tube covered with multicolor sequins.”
“One of the more innovative uses for string cheese is…”
“…food.”
“When in doubt…”
“…ponder, then procrastinate. When not in doubt, charge madly off the cliff.”
“A large number of people feel that potatoes are actually the…”
…the brains of the operation here at Macdonalds, and they’d be right."
"They say ninety percent of accidents…
… can be blamed on a person"
"people in glass houses shouldn’t…
be nudists"
Here’s an obscure one for you, it’s taken from Black Books
"They wouldn’t take the piano back because it was full of
(the real ending is spoons by the way)
“… eels, the hovercraft had already capsized due to their weight.”
“All the spoons players in Jonathan’s band…”
“…had green fingers, as the spoons weren’t really gold at all.”
“With lightweight eels, the calculations showed that the hovercraft would have…”
“…hovered only two inches underground, insted of the three feet that proved so disastrous to the riders in the front car of Subway Train 64.”
“Groop! I implore thee…”
Stop kissing those frogs. Not a prince but an ulcer will be on your lips.
I swear she was 18 officer, Otherwise I would never have …
“…broken off the wedding with her Mom.”
“In a rare display of marital arts mastery, Achmet defended his convenience store from the robber using only…”
Yikes! that should have been martial. My bad
“…his wife’s laundry.”
“Post-it Notes are a convenient source of…”
information for letting my colleagues at work know when I’m having my lobotomie.
My dog is very jumpy ever since …
“…she met that kangaroo in the middle of the road.”
“Oh, Mike, that’s eeeevil…”