Ever had it? What do you do?
I’m guessing you’ll tell me to face reality and let it stomp me right into the dirt until I just give up on myself and realize that I am not that important.
OK, fine. But what do you do after that?
I get over it. It may be a simple reply but really there is not much else you can do.
Well…there may be empty revenge. It does feel good for maybe an hour.
Oh! Eat a cookie!
No cookie. Not tonight. I am Type 2 diabetic, I got angry drunk, denied myself my evening medication and ate crap until my blood glucose hit a 9 year high. I think I was acting out but just too much of a wimp to actually cut myself or overdose on pills. Hell, I wouldn’t even make myself puke up all the crap I ate.
Anyway, I just started what looks like a pointless semester at school and it looks like I don’t give a flying fuck to actually take control of my life for the forty-somethingth year in a row. I have my problems (major depression among them), but I also have a way of making other people not give a shit about them or me.
I am feeling somewhat better now. But I am feeling a kind of realization - a feeling I have, now and then, that I really do not want to do anything at all with my life.
I have been feeling this way for years. I just wish I could just stop feeling so goddamn guilty about it. It seems like there ought to be some punishment in store for feeling this way, and that I should just shut up and accept it.
Stop caring, no really just stop caring. I’m willing to bet good money the self pity has an outside source thats making you think you’re a worthless piece of shit and your life is a pointless shitfest, stop caring and stop comparing yourself to whatever standards are making you feel this way, just say fuck it all.
If your life really is making you miserable well, WHY? Change it, I mean if you’re feeling this bad already what have you got to lose? Do something drastic, make a big change, move somewhere you’ve always vaguely wanted to, become something you’ve always vaguely wanted to.
Hell its almost liberating, if your life is already that bad what have you got to lose?
Had it most of the day yesterday, for reasons too banal to go into. What helped was taking a break, sitting in a quiet corner with a cup of tea and reading an engrossing book to take my mind off things. Then I went to bed.
There may have also been cookies.
One thing I’ve found; no matter how dark my mood gets, tomorrow is another day. I can go to bed feeling terrible, but when I wake up the next morning a mood reset will have occurred.
Have a stroll down to the nearest pub and have a beer or twenty. Won’t do anything whatsoever for the self-pity , but you’ll find many others with the same problem. Maybe y’all can share tips, or at least tabs.
I get mad at myself. That’s what I do when I’m having a pity party that has gone on too long. I will literally stand in front of the mirror and have a conversation with myself about the reality of life. I can be pretty hard on myself, but it usually does the trick.
Go through the motions. Fake it til you’re making it. This also works sometimes.
I’m glad you’re feeling better and hope you continue to improve. Guilt is one of the most horrid of emotions and especially when it is unwarranted. You are a bit vague, but feeling guilt for not doing something with your life sounds like you might be being too hard on yourself.
Anyway, good luck.
If you can find a way to keep stop caring, find it.
That’s what I do. I’m always my most content when I can look at EVERYTHING and not give a fuck.
That does not mean I don’t continue to do anything. I still go to work, still make sure my body is fed and that I comb my hair. But I don’t let stuff live in my head. I don’t let myself worry about things. I stop thinking about myself and how I must look to the outside world.
Being still and quiet makes me too aware. I have to move. Take a long hike somewhere. That always makes me feel better.
I usually feel guilty when I feel too self-absorbed and hyperfocused on my angst. So I try to take the bad feelings and use that energy for something productive. Like something artistic or crafty. And then whatever I make, I give it away. I don’t do it for them; I do it for me.
If you have a sense of humor, you can write jokes and slide them under people’s doors. I did that the other day. The process of thinking up the joke, writing it down, and then selecting the house took up time and energy that I may have spent thinking about worrisome things.
There is no magical solution. Every moment is about getting to the next moment. It is exhausting and no one except someone who’s living through it really understands. And whatever works for you will be different from what works for someone else. Depersonalizing myself intentionally and viewing the world as if everything in it is designed to be absurd is helping me at the moment. Maybe in the next moment, it will not work and I’ll have to find another strategy.
You could always follow Allie’s example on Hyperbole and a Half.
Because things never go from bad to worse…
Since you’re looking for advice, I’ll move this to our advice forum, IMHO.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
Helping people who are categorically worse-off than I am usually makes this feeling pass sooner than later. Or even just reading about people who have it worse. And if you’re depressed, you should take steps to get medicated. Or get medicated better, if you already are, because it doesn’t seem to be working.
Wow, that is a frighteningly accurate picture of what it’s like to be depressed. I didn’t break through to a stoic badassness, though. Instead the medication gave me the ability to think again, and I eventually realized that I wouldn’t treat a dog the way I treated myself and stopped bullying myself. I’m not sure if that was the first step in the process or the last, though. Ugh. Depression blows chunks. 
Do you mean you just don’t have ambition? Because if that’s the case, I think it’s okay…give yourself permission to be free of ambition, free of becoming more/better/richer/fancier.
There’s nothing wrong with just being a Regular Person who gets by and doesn’t spend his life obsessing about improving himself (or herself, as the case may be).
I hope you’re feeling better.
Being in your 40’s, I’m guessing maybe you were subject to a lot of that '80’s “you must be Excellent, you must find one thing and work, work, work at it until you are Excellent!” crap that I did, which took years to throw off and relax knowing that I’m pretty good at a few things, have a few mildy engaging interests, but have never found that one burning thing that I could work hard enough to be Excellent! at.
Like papergirl said, relax, enjoy what you can enjoy, don’t bother with school if you really think it is pointless. Maybe a cat would help (I still have Molly…)
Comparing your life to an ideal? Stop it.
I did this–Joined the Army and challenged them to do something with me because I wasn’t going to do anything useful on my own. Worked wonders. Of course, I was mid-20s at the time and not 40-something. And sure, sometimes stuff does go from bad to worse, so what? If it’s just you (and not a brace of kids and a spouse) how bad is bad, really?
Apply to be on the Biggest Loser, I’m going to.