No, Mother, I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I’m home safe does not prove that it worked. That logic is post hoc, ergo propter hoc. No, I’m not sassing you in Eskimo talk.
Next line:
Sheldon Cooper: You heard her. How can I argue with me?
Sheldon Cooper: It’s a waste of time. I might as well explain the laws of thermodynamics to a bunch of labradoodles.
Ramona Nowitzki: Oh, funny. But the idea that you might be able to incorporate gravity, I have to tell you, I found it physically exhilarating.
Sheldon Cooper: My hypotheses tend to have that effect.
Sheldon: Chickens are not, by nature, at all timid. In fact, when I was young, my neighbor’s chicken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.
Raj: Chickens can’t climb trees.
Sheldon: Thank God.
All my friends love this story. They call you Clogzilla.
N/M I screwed this al lup. Lemme get a redo-over.
Ha ha ha I even screwed up this uop. Classic me.
Ok. Lets try this again.
I;m up and can’t sleep but I’m tired as heck. So I’m watching TBBT episodes on the DVR because fuck it.
Sheldon: Knock knock knock
Penny; Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny
Sheldon: Knock knock knock
Penny; Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny
Sheldon: Knock knock knock
Penny; Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny
Sheldon: Ugh. English pudding. You get yourself all exitied for pudding and here comes a cake with raisians in it. I’m not going.
Amy: You’re going.
Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I Don’t hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it Love but love it has a lot of raisians in in it.
Leonard: I’ve always been a little confused about this— why don’t Hindus eat beef?
Raj: We believe cows are gods.
Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism cattle are thought to be like gods.
Raj: Do not tell me about my own culture Sheldon! In the mood I’m in, I’ll take you out, I swear to cow!
I’m a vegetarian. Except for fish. And the occasional steak, I love steak!
Raj: [After Sheldon offers him a job] Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I would rather swim butt-naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple, and then die a slow agonizing death from viral infection, than work with you.
Sheldon: For me.
Sheldon: Why do you even want this here? Its size is completely disproportionate to its purpose.
Raj: Well, seeing as its purpose was to piss you off, I’d say it’s spot-on.
I’ll do it providing I can do the Ceremony in Klingon
Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you’ve had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.
Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I’m afraid you couldn’t be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It’s a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it’s very wrong to say it’s a suspension bridge.
You’d better find my husband’s mother, because one way or another, we’re walking out of this airport with a dead woman!
Bernadette: I couldn’t ride a bicycle because my mother was afraid I’d hit a bump and lose my virginity.
Howard: Oh, wow. You didn’t, did you?
Bernadette: Not on a bicycle. In a Camry.
Corolla!
From the episode when the boys get back from the Arctic.
Sheldon: Hi Mom, no I told you I’d call you when I got home. I’m not home yet.
Alright. I’m home.
The Arctic expedition was a remarkable success. I’m all but certain there’s a Noble Prize in my future. Actually I shouldn’t say that. I’m entirely certain.
No Mother I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I am home safe does not prove that it worked. That logic is post hoc ergo proctor hoc. No, I’m not sassing you in Eskimo talk.
Sheldon: [writing] Cause of accident - lack of adhesive ducks. Okay, medical history … When was your last menstrual period?
Penny: Oh, Next question!
Sheldon: I’ll put ‘in progress’. Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders, list all behavioral diagnoses e.g. depression, anxiety etcetera.
Penny: Oh, my God! What the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?
Sheldon: [writing] Episodes of sub-psychotic rage.
Penny: Ass!
Sheldon: Possible Tourettes.
Penny: Leonard, you’re back.
Leonard: Yeah, I just stopped by to say… (she grabs him and kisses him) Yeah, so, hi!
Penny: Hi! (They stumble, kissing, into her apartment and slam the door shut)
Howard: Dammit, I should have gone over and told her we were back.
Raj: Yeah, it was first come, first served.