I can not work any appliances whatsoever in my house, including the toaster and microwave
I can’t peel oranges, and I can barely make cereal.
I can’t ride a bike
Learning Latin and loving it.
“What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?” --W.C. Fields
1.) I am a very successfull writer (even though I can’t spell ‘successfull’). Of course, I write in a field that is so specialized that only about two hundred people have ever heard of me, and I’ll never make a living at it, and the style is so convoluted that I’ll never be able to translate my skills into ‘regular’ writing (novels, screenplays, etc.), so I’m a really big fish in the smallest pond in the country. But I’m still a successfull writer.
2.) I consider myself a Southerner, despite having been born in Washington D.C. and never lived outside the D.C. suburbs. And 91% of that on the Maryland side.
3.) I am well-known amongst my friends for my uncanny ability to walk into a room just as someone says something that, taken out of context, is bizzare and hilarious. “Evil Mother Theresa?” “Is it more up and down than in and out?” “And that’s how I ended up shooting the Pope.”
JMCJ
This could be YOUR sig line! For just five cents a post, JMCJ Enterprises will place YOUR sig line at the bottom of each message!
I have no felony convictions.
The Rogaine thing in my old sig line is a lie – my hair goes to about my shoulderblades.
My slice is so bad that OJ thinks I might be the real killer.
I am even more of curmudgeon in person.
I’m not going to post on the “Who’d you date thread,” but if I did at least one of my choices has posted in this one and at least one has not.
Sign up now to claim your share! Who Wants To Be A Phaedrusaire?
John Corrado, are you sure you’re not my dad?
An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.
John Corrado, are you sure you’re not my dad?
An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.
I have an intense, paralyzing fear of crickets.
Ever since the age of three, I’ve wanted to be a lawyer.
When it comes to relationships, I’m incredibly thick. Everyone from my best friend, to my mom, to the strange man who stands in the back left corner of church will know when some guy likes me. I, however, won’t catch on until he basically throws a brick at my head and yells that he does. Even then I still wind up disbelieving said guy about 50% of the time.
I know every word of “Baby Got Back” and “Ice Ice Baby” by heart.
-Lanna
Another random fact about me is that I have never double-posted. Until now.
Aww, man!
An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.
I can peel an orange in one long strip.
Somewhere out there in the world are 24 nude drawings of me by various artists.
I have been to over half the countries in the world and look forward to seeing the other half.
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!
manhattan- You’re a lady-killer in my book. 
I have more power tools than some men I know, and I know how to use them.
I have 3 tatoos.
I still haven’t taken my Christmas tree down.
Euty, I’m sure you’re aware, but there is a thread on chick tracts in the pit now. http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000522.html
If your head is wax, don’t walk in the sun.
-Benjamin Franklin
Funny … I can’t find “Purplecrackwhore nudes” ANYWHERE on e-bay…
“In much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.” - Ecclesiastes 1:18
I cry every time somebody wants me to watch “Terms of Endearment”.
What may look like disorder to you is a particular type of order to me. Don’t straighten it up, please.
I’ve learned more about what I really know and what I just think I know from this message board than I have anywhere else. Thanks, everyone.
I have an enormously complex mental model of the world that I’m always extending and refining. It is very important to me but I have never shared it with anyone and probably never will.
“To do her justice, I can’t see that she could have found anything nastier to say if she’d thought it out with both hands for a fortnight.”
Dorothy L. Sayers
Busman’s Honeymoon
This is the first time I have posted here.
The first time I saw the Rolling Stones; Brian Jones was on stage.
I have never seen, live and in person, anyone besides myself, solve a Rubik’s cube.
Enjoy being the oldest student in all my college classes thus far this year.
Hell, Sev, there’s another one about me: I can solve a Rubik’s cube. But I didn’t learn to solve them until the late 80s, long after it was cool.
I have been pulled over many times but I have never had a ticket.
My dad was one of Elvis’ MP/Body Guards when he was in the military.
I love bizarre movies (Trainspotting, Boxing Helena, The Crying Game, etc.)
One of my favorite books are my Readers Digest World Atlas.
>^,^<
KITTEN
Fluff yer hair Beula, I’s feelin frisky - M.S.
I remember useless high school facts from 30 years ago, but it took me a month to memorize my address last time we moved.
In 1980 I rode a bicycle from Ft. Lauderdale to Atlantic City. Last week I rode a bicycle around the block, once.
I can name a dozen Pokemon off the top of my head.
Not so fast, you mucko!
Milossarian…if you can’t find them on ebay… try looking in the phone book. 
I love Bogie movies.
I stomp thru rain puddles in business attire.
I have a quest to find the most perfect sunset and capture it on canvas.
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!
-I live in a barn.
-A “wild” fox visits me regularly, and will eat donuts or fried chicken out of my hand.
-I’ve never won a trophy for anything.
-I played the trombone on an (obscure) album that was recorded when I was 14. (the same year that I got my first Harley)
-I plan to decide what I want to be when I grow up … before I retire.
-I once elected myself and a sex doll (the lovely and talented Inflatia 6) as president and first lady of a message board. (we cheated a lot)
-I like people that don’t try to hurt other people’s feelings.
I co-wrote a TV series that got produced. That’s the only thing I’ve done that got “published”.
I can’t swim, drive, or eat vegetables, due to phobias.
I have a signed copy of ‘Master and Fool’ by Julie V Jones, which I won off her website.
I eat, on average, one meal a day.
-PIGEONMAN-
Returns!
The Legend Of PigeonMan - By Popular Demand! Enjoy, enjoy!
Reeling from the vision of Wally singing “I’m Just a Girl Who Cain’t Say NO”
Manhattan:I read it as “I’m even more a curmudgeon in prison”
Euty: More reasons to like ya (E-mails NOT me) Tish Hinojosa is some kinda beautiful huevos…
I love all the Wizard of Oz stories
I’ve “road managed” musicians on tour, and swore I’d never do it again, but time has a way, and I’d do it again.
I wanna get a scorpion tatooed on my ankle.
I have been into roleplaying games since 1978, when I was 7.
I started reading at the age of 3, and had read The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings trilogy in first grade. (Still irritates me that I was one of the last students to get a prize for books read in the third grade when I was reading things like The Sillmarilion (sp?) and everyone else was reading stuff like Clifford the Big Red dog gets neutered ) 
Once got to see a rocket blow up at lift off at Vandenburg AFB.
Father was building supervisor for Buildings 18E and 18F at Wright-Patterson AFB for 8 years or so. No, it isn’t actually a hangar per see, it was built to allow engineers to test airplanes in extreme climate conditions, the entire building was designed to be climate controlable, and could even make it’s own snow. And the only alien I ever saw in there was a StarWars action figure in a jar filled with foremeldahyde and labled Specimen #1976-Mar-16 or whatever the date of the primiere was. (Nice to know some people had a sense of humor about it, eh? ) (There are a few other anecdotes there, but this isn’t the time to tell them.)
I worked in Building 620 for four years, 620 is the building with the wierd tower that supposedly is the one with the tunnel leading to the ‘Real’ Wright-Patt a mile underground. The fun thing there is that my mother also worked in that building at the same time, and after they closed down what my father was supervising in 18E, he worked in that building also my last year there. Always nice to have a source of free lunch money.
>>Being Chaotic Evil means never having to say your sorry…unless the other guy is bigger than you.<<
—The dragon observes