My mom thinks LOL means lots of love so she texts me, “Your grandma died LOL.”
Youtube video here. From WKRP in Cincinnati.
Several from Red Foreman…
*When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. But if you mix 'em, they can turn you into a dumbass.
I can’t afford to feed your friends. I can’t afford to feed you, but the law requires me to.
If I were a bird, I’d fly into a ceiling fan.
I’m not loving anyone I don’t legally have to.
Sorry Kitty, yelling’s the only part of being a father I enjoy. *
Never gets old. Thanks for linking to that!
“Oh my goodness! Oh the humanity!”
“The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!”
Hilarious! I loved that show!
Shooter McGavin: You’re in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
Happy Gilmore: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
Shooter McGavin: …no!
I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley!
“I’ve been…marked down? I’ve been kidnapped by K-mart!” - Ruthless People
Now I don’t know how many of them it would have taken to whip my ass… but I knew how many they were going to use.
That’s a handy little piece of information to have right there.
And you want to be my latex salesman.
Politically incorrect, tacky, tasteless comment on a recent Fashion Police episode from Joan Rivers (but I laughed anyway):
“That dress had more yellow than a Chinese foreskin.”
**Bilbo Bagshot: **What about the Ewoks? They were rubbish! You don’t complain aboout them.
Tim Bisley: But Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like fucking - Shaft!
This will probably make no sense at all out of context, but all Brits will know it:
U-boat Captain: Your name vill also go on ze list! Vot is it?
Captain Mainwaring: Don’t tell him, Pike!
“I’ve searched for the phrase “I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds”, but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.”
Thanks for the laughs all. The WKRP one is a true classic, never fails to make me giggle with morbid glee.
I had thought of one an hour ago, meant to post it, but now it’s gone!
“Who makes these things, anyway?!” - Rikku in Final Fantasy X, facing some bizarre construct creature
“Where’s the early bird when you need him, eh?” - Wakka in Final Fantasy X, when facing a giant sandworm
Batman to Wonder Woman: “You’re a princess from an island of immortal warriors and I’m a rich kid with issues.” <pause> “Lots of issues.”
Klaw: “Why do you talk like that? Are you being recorded?”
Doctor Doom: “But of course! Every utterance of Doom must be recorded for posterity!”
“As God is my witness: I thought turkeys could fly.”
*
-I assume siting the source is unnecessary.*
I barely breathed through Bull Durham in the theaters I was laughing so hard. Here’s on eof my favorite scenes:
Larry: [Larry jogs out to the mound to break up a players’ conference] Excuse me, but what the hell’s going on out here?
Crash Davis: Well, Nuke’s scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man’s here. We need a live… is it a live rooster?
[Jose nods]
Crash Davis: . We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose’s glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present.
[to the players]
Crash Davis: Is that about right?
[the players nod]
Crash Davis: We’re dealing with a lot of shit.
Larry: Okay, well, uh… candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she’s registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let’s get two! Go get 'em.
You’ve already been scooped! 
I have an awful, childish sense of humour and I’m sorry.
Life of Brian
Mandy: Your father was a Roman.
Brian: You mean - you were raped?
Mandy: Well… at first, yes.
(it’s all in the delivery)
"I haven’t been myself lately, but I love you. Nothing about that has changed, nothing ever will. So right now… What I need… Is for you to… Climb down out of my ass.
…
Can you do that? Will you do that for me, Honey? Will you please—just once—get off my ass! Y’know… I’d appreciate that. I really would. [tense smile]"
-Walter White, Breaking Bad (:50 in, the funny doesn’t really come through in words)
Buffybot: “‘If we want her to be exactly, she’ll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she’s gone’ who?”