Well, I sometimes think life is like a roulette wheel. You pays you money and you takes your chance. ( You want original metaphores? Tough titty ) With that in mind, I’m putting $20 on seven, and lets spin the wheel and peek in on my life, shall we?
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I was doing my laundy tonight, and in addition to providing me with a great opprtunity to read all the wonderful graffiti in the laundrymat( I like to lick pussy 555-1234, Debbie is a slut,and -What’s Debbie’s number?) I had an unusual setting for deep thoughts. Usually when I have deep thoughts, the smoke sets off the detector, and the fire dept. shows up about the time I realize that you put the button through the buttonhole, just jamming them together dosen’t work, but tonight the gods were kind and two or three thoughts connected. I sat and watched the clothes go round. And round. And round. And round. And round. And round. And…realized that I should have done laundry last night. In fact, I intended to, but sat down on my couch and was pleased that I HAVE a couch. I then dozed off and missed the opportunity to go do laundry. The reason I have a couch is another matter altogether…
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I have a couch because my ex-wife is vigorously moving all my stuff outta her (ne our) house. And while having this couch is a big improvement over the two easy chairs that occupied my living room before, it is also a reminder that my marriage is over, fins, kaput, done, do not pass go, do not collect $200. And that’s OK -I guess. Hard part is, 2 months ago, her and I had a real heart to heart. We seperated in order to work on stuff for both of us. And…we both agreed that the other had done it. We no longer felt compelled to argue and fight about every little thing, and we had both made changes that the other had indicated was necessary for the relationship to continue. I remember thinking in the aftermath of the laughter, tears, deep discussion, etc.that we shared that there was a real chance to reconcile. Unfortunately, she realized for herself that she didn’t want to. Shrug Such is life. Strange that 2 people can set out to do something, do it, and then realize that what you were doing it for wasn’t what you wanted after all.
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I learned a valuable lession today. NEVER make a joke to your barber, no matter how well you think you know him, about how fast your hair grows, and that it’s a bummer coming in to get it cut so often. BUZZZZZZZZZZ! My barber is a talented man, but he is located just off an army post, and he is also black, used to cutting the hairstyles popular in the black community or soldiers. I swear, when he held up the mirror, I felt like jumping outta the chair into a brace and shouting “Yes, Seargent!”. I wanted to sing “Shall We Dance?”. He asked me if I wanted him to move the mirror, and I answered “Make it so, Number One.” I haven’t had hair this short since I was 6 months old!
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My ex-wife has a new boyfriend. He’s a real nice guy, which is…interesting. On one hand a bastard would be easier to deal with, but Karen has always had good taste. ( She chose me, didn’t she? 
)On the other, well…I want her to be happy. Our breakup has been for the most part amicable, and that’s good. He’s living with her, at least part time, in what used to be my house. In some ways I miss having a house a lot. It’s late March, heading to April, and in a “normal” year, I would have my gardens going full blast. Broccoli, lettuce, peas, etc…all the early season vegtables would be in the ground, and my tomato and pepper plants would just be sprouting inside, ready to go out in a month. I love to garden, prolly an offshoot of the fact I love to cook. There is nothing like using ingrediants you grew yourself in a recipe. My landlord has given me permission to put in a garden here, but it’s so much work setting one up! I will do it in the next few weeks, tho, so I’m sure I will be enjoying my own tomatos in August again! Something to look forward to!
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My aqurium is set up! It’s a 55 Gal. tropical tank, and I am very happy with it! I got it tweaked, baby! Double filtration, pure water, it rocks. I keep many different kinds of fish. Buenos Aries Tetras, Fire Gouramis, Kissing Gouramis, Sail Fin Mollies, A Beta Fish, 2 large Angels ( my favorite), A Plecastima, A Clown Knife and a few Zebra Danios. The last two exist…uneasily. I think I may lose the Danios before long. Knifes are fairly agressive, and I think he’s already eaten 2 of the Danios. ( the other fish are too big for him to bother ) The last 2 Danios are acting very wary of the knife, but…who knows?
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I miss my dogs. 
Karen got the dogs when we seperated, in no small part 'cuz she kept the house with the fenced in yard. I was over there the other day, and Raven and Bear were so glad to see me! If a person could die from too much doggie love, I’d be writing from beyond the grave right now. I called Karen tonight and asked her if I could take the dogs to a park or something every month or so. She said she’d think about it. I hope she decides yes. Our seperation is going smoothly, and I hesitate to screw that up, but we have no children, our dogs kinda fill that role. In divorce with kids, visitation and custody are issues, right? Raven and Bear are our children. Shouldn’t I get the chance to play with and love them? This is stupid, but I had a moment today when I got mad at the thought of them calling her BF daddy. Is that anthramorphesizing to the max or what? hehe. I’m a dolt. I hope we can work this issue out, tho.
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Last thing. What about me? I’m living the celebrated “single life” ( well, not really, but, hey) and that’s fine for now, but I know myself. I want/need a life partner. I KNOW that it will come in time, but that dosen’t make it any easier. I have one UmmmmFriend who is great! She is not in a position to commit to any long term relationship right now, so we simply enjoy each others company, and sex, occasionally. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a lot of fun! I have another friend whom I thought would be the one months ago. Her and I vibrate like tuning forks, mesh like gears. She’s about the best friend I’ve ever had. I really wanted to be romantic with her, but it wasn’t in the cards. That’s fine, how often do you find a friend/soulmate? Not often. Every once in a while, usually when I get depressed, I think…" This would be perfect", but that’s not where we are, and that’s fine. Still, it leaves me looking. I have NO idea where I will find the one. I know she’s out there, but…but…
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00
Damn. House number. Everyone loses.
Fuck it. $20 on seven. Spin that wheel!
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