Ha! Success 
Joey Baloney
Likes to ride the pony
His head is made of candy
And his feet are macaroni.
Yes it won’t be long now before everyone submits to the gravitational pull of Joey’s head.
I have never been hugged, licked, nibbles or brumski’d by Mr. Hemlock and I feel so deprived.
:sobs:
PSHT! PSHT!
It’s alright! It’s okay! There’s something to live for! Jesus told me!
I have incriminating photos of Mr. Hemlock doing unspeakable things to my scarf. Don’t let the sweetness and light routine fool you, he is a maneater.
But I still loves me some JoeyHemlock!
THAT SCARF LIES! It was COMPLETELY CONSENTUAL!
Ah, **JoeyHemlock. **
I wanna be Joey when I grow up.
sigh
So glad you’re back here, my friend. So glad.
Joey kissed me! On the mouth!
Neener neener.
Hmm. So I’m chopped liver, eh? I even said I’d like to meet you. (or words to that effect) I still like you a lot, though. Might even love you, for all that. 
JoeyHemlock can count on my vote in the forthcoming elections.
I am a twelve-year-old boy. I’ve said so on any number of occasions.
AND…Joey lost his gum down my cleavage.
Make of those two statements what you will.
3y3 0//n3rz j00!!!11
w00t, j03`/ |-|3//|_0(|<!!
I’m afraid I must dissent from this adulation of JoeyHemlock. You are all praising JoeyHemlock for how he appears now, a warm, caring, friend of man, defender of the oppressed, and giver of hugs.
But how much do we really know of the past of JoeyHemlock? How can we be sure that JoeyHemlock hasn’t spent years as a Soviet spy, selling America’s nuclear secrets? Are we convinced that JoeyHemlock didn’t entice Patty Hearst into joining the SLA? Can we be certain that JoeyHemlock wasn’t the second shooter on the grassy knoll in Dallas? Do we have any proof that JoeyHemlockwasn’t Tokyo Rose, luring US sailors with misinformation? And has any found any evidence that JoeyHemlock wasn’t responsible for the sinking of the Maine in Havana Harbor? Remember the Maine!
Well JoeyHemlock what do you say to these questions?
Yeah, but I kept my tongue in!
I mean – what the hell was I thinking?
Hmm, very interesting Billdo.
I have one question for you.
Where were you on those occasions?
Very wiley on your part to try and deflect suspicion from yourself and put on someone else.
An admirable goal, to be sure. But can you really commit to that? Do you have the energy – the unquenchable burning deep down in your stomach – to be a JoeyHemlock? It is not an easy thing to be. You must prepare yourself – mentally AND physically – for the being smart, the writing of postcards, the almost non-stop masturbation[sup]1[/sup]. No, it’s not an easy thing to be a JoeyHemlock, but if you really put your mind to it, it can be rewarding experience that will change your life forever. I know it’s changed mine.
[sup]1[/sup] - JoeyHemlock masturbates more before 9:00 am than most people masturbate all day
And in return, Tansu can count on my smiting his enemies. Oh, trust me, they shall be smote.
Don’t take any wooden Joey Hemlock.
Chopped liver, huh? Can I get you at the deli for $3.69 per pound? And really, isn’t $3.69 a pound for chopped liver a bit excessive anyway? It’s not like the recipe is that much of a shocker: (1) take some liver. (2) chop it. (Fini) I mean, really!
Anyway, I shall now take the form of sweet-and-sour cole slaw and we can meet, as you requested. I’m the next deli cooler over, two rows back (next to the three-bean salad).
Do not taunt happy Hemlock.