The second-best thing I’ve ever lost down your cleavage, my dear Hama. Right after my virginity.
Let’s address your so-called “concerns” one-by-one, shall we?
How can we be sure that JoeyHemlock hasn’t spent years as a Soviet spy, selling America’s nuclear secrets? - Giving them so-called information that I obtained while at my high-level post with the United States Nuclear Secrets Administration in exchange for really really really good vodka is not treasonous. It’s good vodka. Don’t you understand? Oh, and they were Estonian.
Are we convinced that JoeyHemlock didn’t entice Patty Hearst into joining the SLA? - Yes, but the so-called SLA I was involved in was the Symbiotic Liberation Army (an unfortunate organazation once we realized that the parasites and host organisms needed each other to survive). Remember the Dax!.
Can we be certain that JoeyHemlock wasn’t the second shooter on the grassy knoll in Dallas? - The so-called “grassy knoll” was more CRAB-grassy than anything else, and less a knoll than a grassy hill, so your argument holds no merit. And, quite frankly, it smacks of racism and homophobia. Cite! Cite!
Do we have any proof that JoeyHemlockwasn’t Tokyo Rose, luring US sailors with misinformation? - Okay, this so-called one was me. Mea Culpa.
And has any found any evidence that JoeyHemlock wasn’t responsible for the sinking of the Maine in Havana Harbor? - Oh geeze. Blow anything out of proportion lately? First of all, the so-called Maine was a two-man kayak. Secondly, it was skinned with beaver pelts – inferior Ecudoran beaver pelts. Thirdly, it wasn’t me, or if it was it was only because it was the only thing standing in the way of my twelve-years-in-the-making information-for-vodka deal.
Oh, that’s it. We are so done.
Taunt. Taunt. Taunt.
-
Being smart: Um…well…okay, I’m not.
-
Postcards: Um…well…okay, I don’t do that either. I did send a couple from the last OhDope, though. Does that count?
-
Masturbation: Got that down to an art.
But that’s only one out of three.
If I paid you, would you tutor me?
Joey Dearest…
I freely admit I didn’t read this whole thread. I know, I know…I am a bad girl.
I skipped it because I am not myself at this point, but I wanted to give you a huggle and welcome you back because I love you.
That’s all.
My Love,
Cheri
Yeah, yeah, Joey Hemlock, the guy who won’t visit me, but thinks that a poor college student like me can come visit HIM.
I’m a lass. Ask Francesca, she’s seen me. But you can call me what you like so long as you smite my enemies.
yeah, well I read it. All of it. Even this post. Neener. 
Just kiddin’. (Well, I really did read all of it, but I will firmly defend your freedom not to do so. I just like being a pain.)
Joey! My nose has been a fine source of epidermis for years now! Come partake.
Actually, you weren’t in that sweet-and-sour pork I ate tonight at the Chinese restuarant, were you? Because if you were, that would be… indescribable.
F_X
I can second that. Tansu is indeed a girlie, and was flaunting her rather nice breastiges at the Tigg-fest to prove it.
Bad Joey, you almost missed that one, lucky we put you straight. You must check these things carefully, else you miss out on more boobage!
Smooooch me! I saved you titties!
Taunt. Taunt. Taunt.
Someone is just BEGGING for a spanking. AND THAT SOMEONE IS ME.
Love ya, Scotti. Hope to see you again soon!
Ah ha! AH HA! Is THAT the story you’re telling? Huh? Why don’t you tell 'em about the REAL story? Third nipples are ILLEGAL in 'Bama and that YOU DIDN’T VETO THAT LAW WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE! You know, when you were the Governor. Of Alabama.
Am I thinking of someone else?
If you’re a girl, then I’ll smite your enemies anyway. Girls are, like, my favorite. They have boobs and they smell nice.
Your nose is like a tiny little mountain of heaven. I have named your nose to be the winner of the Daerlyn Partakible Parts Pageant. I will partake of them in NYC soon. Your boobs have been named first runner up, so if your nose is in any way unable to fulfill it’s duties (congestion, redness, chapping, deviated septum), then the first runner up will be promoted to the top spot.
Smooch you? Hell, that’s worth knighting you for*. I dub thee Sir Tir Tinuviel, Protector of Boobies.
But, you know, smooches are good, too. I’ll do it!
*Even though you’re a woman. It’s the 21st Century after all…
Why must you hurt me?
Whoooohoooo!
offers her breast for Joey to pin a medal too…
Damn drunken posting, there should of course only be one ‘o’ in to…