In this thread, it’s been universally acknowledged that no reason for a breakup is ever wholly satisfying or even understandable. You deal with the fact, and move on with your life. But can we list reasons that have been given to us for the breakups we have all endured? I’ve had so many gfs over the years (no, not all for 20 minutes at a clip) and understood so little of the various drivel substituting for “I just don’t feel like being with you anymore, doofus” I thought maybe we can paraphrase some of it here:
“You seem uncaring about people in my life apart from you, like my mother, my co-workers, etc.”
“When you get angry with me, you show it too much. Yes, I know you’ve never raised a hand, and rarely raised your voice, but I feel how angry you are and I don’t like it. Yes, I know it’s pretty rare, but I don’t like it.”
“It’s not that I want you to dance with me, it’s that I want you to WANT to dance with me.”
“I feel hurt that you never call me at work, from your work, just to chit-chat about nothing. When you call, you always have some subject that you want to talk about.”
Ya know, I think I can do this all day. You take a turn. My brain hurts.
My brother’s wife left to pursue a life “on the stage”. Which turned out to be summer stock in a state park two states away. This never took her to Broadway, but she did end up remarrying a guy who performed with a symphony, so she got to see the reflected limelight from the wings.
Translated freely into Rational, I believe, that means roughly
“Yes, I said I loved you, but because I am unwilling to admit to fickleness, I will introduce a distinction that makes me both consistent and correct, and leaves you without any grounds for complaint. My love for you, IOW, is boundless, but you have misunderstood something crucial in the concept that, to your astonishment, allows me to move on without another thought.”
If I recall correctly, what I was told at the time was some combination of “It’s not you, it’s me,” and “We grew apart.”
The reason which wasn’t given at the time? “I’m gay.” When I found that out, years later, that sounded like perfectly good reasoning to me. Such a pity that he was raised so strictly religious and suppressed his feelings for so long; that caused him a lot of pain and confusion, and me a lot of anger, that could have been avoided.
“I am so completely uninterested in having another extended conversation with you, ever again, that I will accept the blame for everything that’s every gone wrong, not only with us, but if you like --I kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, and I singlehandedly slaughtered the Armenians but let the Turks take the rap. As long as I can GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, I’ll say anything you like.”
“You smoke (I was trying to quit and did), and you don’t like Mexican food.”
No, I am not kidding. I wish I were.
This from a man(he was 25; I was 21) whom all his frat rat buddies told me had gone home to get a" family heirloom" for me. Upon his arrival back in town, he took me to dinner-I thought he was going to relate to me something important. He was and he did. We broke up while eating a meal of Mexican food, which still resembles vomit on a plate to me, but I digress…
I was also once told that he (not the same guy) “loved me like a sister.”
whatever.
“You see…I was a fairy in a past life. And when I was a fairy, I met her. And we pledged to spend all eternity together. But I didn’t realize this until we met in this life. Cause that’s how past lifes work, you know. So really, its just a prior committment. Nothing against you.”
If anyone can beat that (yes, it actually happened), I will take off my hat to you.
a) I lied to myself when I said I could easily accept your smoking and now that I’ve discovered that I can’t, I choose to blame you rather than my own self-deception. As to the Mexican food, while I recognize that tastes of course differ, I’m unwilling to compromise in the slightest on my more trivial preferences and would rather break up with you than eat a few less tacos in my lifetime."
b) “I can’t imagine what I was thinking when I got sexually aroused by you way back when. I would rather fuck mud than ever fuck you again, ever, and if this makes me wrong because I am clueless as to my own sexual tastes, well, I’d rather leave you high and dry than ever deal with an issue as painful as my own cluelessness.”
Sorry, didn’t translate mine into Rational:
First one means “You are too WASP, not Catholic, not Cuban or even Hispanic and I am afraid of my parents, who want me to marry this Cuban girl they ‘picked’ out for me.” (this I found out later)
The second one means “you wouldn’t put out, so I’m moving on.” (he dumped me immediately after I said no)
Sadly, Mexican food man did NOT marry the Cuban girl–he married a blonde, blue-eyed, WASP several years later. She converted to Catholicism, though. And the absolute kicker? HE USED TO BUM CIGS OFF ME. Tool.
fuck mud? Ouch-I’m glad you never broke up with me…
in the Rational:
“As satisfying as it may have been to be indulged in getting my way, that doesn’t quite cut it. I am so selfish that I want much more than your actions–I need to have your will be my will. I want you to utterly forget that you have a choice, or a mind, other than my own, and because I sense that there is still something lingering inside you that persists in calling itself ‘your’ identity, I am affronted and must, therefore, break up with you. Sorry to say, yes, I am that insecure.”