Pseud, honey, you seem a little … jaded … tonight.
You need to get laid.
Oh, what would be the fucking point?
The weirdest rationale I got was that I liked John Denver’s music and he didn’t. :rolleyes: I think the reality was that I was going to college studying engineering and he wanted to be a rock star. Last I heard, he was some kind of repairman.
“We’re too different”
I translate this to have meant, “Even though I have spent the last year and a half with you and we like the same food, movies, sexual positions, and you are willing to give me head anytime, anywhere, at a moment’s notice, you do not seem to handle my 7 months of unemployment and need to drink three 40’s a day well and I don’t like not being able to go out to eat on your dime simply because you are currently in college and have spent your money on books and school.”
Hello?
If I’m a woman OR a man, I don’t need to provide any excuse whatsoever to break up with my partner.
pseudotriton ruber ruber, why do you think it’s selfish for a woman to tell you she’s not happy any longer with you and break up? This is the second thread of yours wherein you state something to that effect.
Here’s a newsflash - her desires and needs are as important to the world as yours, and more important to her, especially since in the long run, if she’s unhappy, she knows damn well she’ll make you unhappy as well.
As far as the dancing goes, does it occur to you that perhaps a lot of women aren’t comfortable dragging their SOs out to do something that they like, but the SO doesn’t? It’s all very well for a guy to indulge a girl’s whim, but if she’s any kind of human being, she doesn’t want to be indulged - she wants the guy to enjoy it as much as she does. If he doesn’t, she will feel terribly guilty every time she drags the guy out. Why shouldn’t she try to find someone who shares that particular interest with her, rather than imposing it on someone who does it solely because she wants to?
As far as the smoking goes, same thing. She thought she could deal with it, and she couldn’t. What’s she supposed to do - keep on smoking because her partner does and she can’t seem to control her desire to do so in the presence of his smoking?
For Pete’s sake, it sounds as if you would write off any woman who doesn’t want to see you when you want to see her as incredibly selfish. Well, guess what: it’s not. Why do you consider a woman following her own interests as more selfish than a man doing the same thing? No one is compelled to stay in a relationship, either legally or morally. A woman is absolutely correct in leaving a relationship that, for whatever reason whatsoever, is not making her happy, just as a man is. It’s inordinately stupid for a woman to accept things she’s not happy with in order to, what, keep from hurting her boyfriend? That ends up hurting everyone even worse!
"I love you, but I’m not in love with you’ is also perfectly acceptable. It means that while the woman recognizes and feels strongly about the fine qualities and common interests she sees in the man in question, she doesn’t feel romantically attracted to him. Maybe guys are willing to sleep with any woman who will allow him to, but most women want something more.
‘I need to spread my wings’ does not by any means necessarily mean ‘I need to spread my legs.’ Not every girl who doesn’t want to see you is a whore or a slut.
It seems to me that you want is not a clearer explanation, but rather for the woman in question to never break up with you until and unless you’re ready, or to give you bullet points that you can change about yourself so that she’ll be willing to date you again. Usually it’s not that cut and dried. People often don’t know exactly why they want to stop seeing someone - they just believe that they’re not getting the happiness from this relationship that they might be able to get from another. Maybe they’re right, maybe they’re wrong, but why is it wrong for them to try?
I know it’s not easy, but misogynistic drivel is not going to get you a new girlfriend very soon. Frankly, what I’ve read in these two threads indicates to me that you are extremely ready to disparage any woman who doesn’t do exactly what you want her to do. I suggest you learn to suck it up, and accept the fact that your interest is not always going to be the same degree or length of time as a given woman’s. Frankly, what you sound like here is sour grapes at best, and downright dislike of women at worst. Not very appealing.
I know you were broken up with fairly recently, but it’s not a justification for assuming that women are dishonest or promiscuous. Not wanting to see you any longer is not an indication of a fundamental character flaw, even if the exact reason for it is not clear even to her. Sometimes that special something just isn’t there for her, even though it may be there for you. It happens to us women all the time too. I suggest you learn to live with it.
Or maybe he was just looking for a place to bitch and find people to joke with about it? I know that all the relationships I have been in have ended for good reasons but that doesn’t make it hurt any less when it happens. It is nice to have people to laugh with and talk with when things like that happen. It doesn’t make him misogynistic or evil, just hurt and dealing with it as best he knows how.
This seems perfectly concise and rational. It might suck, but vague double-talk it’s not.
Exactly. Oy!, I’m sure you mean well, but let all of us brokenhearted fools sit around while being bitter and cynical.
Hmm… I’ve been wanting to start a “tell about your latest breakup” thread for a while, maybe now would be a good time to start this?
I’m with Oy! on this one. As long as everyone is just a “broken-hearted fool” sitting around being bitter and everyone knows at the end of the day to just suck it up and move on, everything’s fine. I got that vibe from the OP, which seemed like a fun poke at the various non-confrontational bullshit people use to try to break difficult news to somebody who cares about them. Once the “translating to rational” got started, though, it started to look more than just a little bitter. MY translation of pretty much all of these to “rational” would be “I want out, but I want out as painlessly as possible.” Sure, some of these little excuses may be bending over backwards a bit to avoid admitting mistakes or showing hypocrisy, but “love you like a sister” -> “I’d rather fuck mud”? Amusingly over the top maybe as a one-liner, but after 3 or 4 of those my reaction was a lot like twickster’s. Even if pseudotriton ruber ruber really didn’t mean it that way, I don’t think Oy! is out of line at all.
I think the username/post combination was brilliant personally, but having used lines like ‘this just isn’t working for me’ (mind you, I was 15) with no other explanation, I’m inclined to also point out that some people just want out and don’t really want to explain exactly why.
I just want to point out that the one time I’ve broken up with someone I didn’t give him any reasons. I had them, but I didn’t bother spell them out.
But his sister called me later to say she’d just gotten his version of the night and that she understood it just fine, she and their Mom had been warning him that “partying around when she’s not available” was likely to go down badly with me. She also transmitted their mother’s apology along the lines of “sorry dear, I’m afraid the first time I fell in love it was with an ass…”
Mixed marriages never work 
Mexican food - a *trivial * preference? :eek: :eek:
While it sounds like an excuse in the eleanorigby’s estranged partner case, a date that said they didn’t like Mexican food would not get a second date.
(hijack mode = off)
I didn’t take any of this as misogynistic.
People say all manner of BS to get out of relationships. I also must have missed where it HAD to be double speak–which mine was, in essence.
Guess what-I still hate Mexican food. A life of celibacy awaits. Oh, wait-I’m married. Somehow, my dislike of Mexican food has not led to a constrained, empty, purposeless existance…
I don’t agree with the whole " I WANT you to WANT it"–sure, it’s a valid feeling, but as a life plan, it’s impractical. He most likely has the same feelings, but sometimes we indulge our partners, because we love them, not because we love the same things as they do. To expect anyone else to love all the same things you do is very young and doomed to disappointment.
I didn’t get a line, so I don’t know. I just had the cops turn up and bundle me off to the lock-up on a trumped up domestic violence charge. I kinda assumed the relationship was over a that point.
Yes, but generally speaking you look for someone who really enjoys the things that are important to you. We’re not talking divorce with three kids here. We’re talking breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend. If I enjoyed an activity to the point where I wanted to do it at least once a week, and it pretty much required a partner to do it, I’m wouldn’t willing to settle for someone who would indulge me on a weekly basis in doing something he evidently took no pleasure in. Sooner or later, either I’d have to give up my hobby, find someone else to do it with, or engender a fair amount of resentment in my reluctant partner. If I were young and had plenty of options, none of these would be an acceptable alternative.
I’m surprised you didn’t find p r r’s posts misogynistic, eleanor, considering every “translation” he came up with made the woman sound shallow, slutty, stupid, and/or obnoxious. And pbbth, it sure didn’t sound like joking to me. Maybe I sprained my sense of humor, but usually I’m about the easiest laugh you ever met, so I find that pretty hard to use as my base assumption.
The fact is, people often aren’t very good at even figuring out exactly what they’re feeling (and especially the reasons why), let alone putting it into words while bending over backwards to not hurt the other person any more than they absolutely have to.
Tell you what, guys, you can take this as given for any break-up situation: “It’s just not working for me.” Unless there’s been some kind of real misunderstanding that can truly be cleared up, that’s what it’s going to come down to every time. For whatever reason, it’s not working for her. That doesn’t make her stupid, shallow, or out to find a bigger tool. It means she thought it might work, but it didn’t, period.
I got some gems:
“I can’t get over the fact that you don’t care if I hang out with other guys.”
Should’ve known one of those other guys was creating new yoga positions with her. At least I got my revenge, which I use for women who want to break up with their cheating boyfriends.
“I don’t think you’re maturing fast enough.”
She was getting her BS-Psychology, and I was still in my first year of community college. Glad she only got her masters before she found out people have to work for a living.
“I was only fucking you to get back at your girlfriend.”
See #2 for which girlfriend it was.
And the winner for my own personal favorite (which I brag to my friends about):
“I can’t date you anymore because your penis is too thick for me to take.”
I don’t care if it was a lie. I said I was incredibly sorry, offered to get lube, etc. I think she just wanted to let me down easy, and man oh man oh manichewitz did it work.
You, my dear, are in fucking traction. Didn’t those pulleys and that staff of nurses around the clock jamming needles in your ass suggest something of the sort to you?
Guys, as well as women, are capable of the most blithe, glib bullshit designed to deflect focus from their own responsibility for thoughtless and self-serving behavior. You might have noticed this in my translations from the Irrational of eleanorigby’s ex-, who happened to be --a guy! Imagine that! A guy, being criticized by someone with a misogynist agenda! Whoda thunkit possible?
Now it’s true that I’ve had much more experience being broken up with by women than men. Sorry, that’s just how my life experiences seem to have fallen, so I’m a little more adept at translating from the female dialect of the Irrational.
And sorry too that I’ve given such a hard time to all the women who have opined here that men can be jackasses, too–oh, wait! I haven’t done that at all.
You seem to think it’s fine that people can treat each other cruelly at tender moments when they are emotionally vulnerable, and dish out any sort of meaningless drivel in place of the painful self-criticism for inflicting the pain in the first place–or at least that women should wave their free pass to do this any time they like. You go right on, sister, in thinking this.
Also, Eutychus’s post about “It’s not you, it’s me” (that a sharper reader than yourself might have noticed I translated) is most famously George Costanza’s line for breaking up with women. As interpreted by Jason Alexander, the character of George Costanza was a particularly clueless self-absorbed person of the male persuasion.
But please continue to flail away at my discrimination against women here. I’m sure you’ll hit something eventually.
“It’s not you, it’s me” is a classic squelcher because it invalidates any legitimate sense of frustration felt by the person being broken up with. In a sense, it takes complete responsibilty for causing the breakup, but in its glibness, in its utter lack of detailed analysis, it achieves exactly the opposite effect. It’s “Like, whatever. Can I go now?” Or “Okay, you’re right. You’ve always been right about everything and I’m perpetually wrong. Are we done?”
My Favorite?
“I love you too much.”
Perosnally I find “It’s just not working for me” to be the best and most honest reason. A lot of the other lines come off as bs or a way to avoid taking responsibility for ending the relationship.
On the other hand, if you start asking questions as to why it’s not working, beware getting answers you may not want to hear.