Redneck Haiku

NASCAR, wrasslin, COPS,
Dukes of Hazzard, Springer Show:
Television bliss.

Big ol’ pickup truck
Many windshield cracks
Gun rack in the back

Rag for a gas cap
Yosemite Sam mud flaps
Rebel flag stickers

A big Number 3
Calvin peeing on Chevy
A tail light is out

It sounds like a tank
Smoke belching from the exhaust
Billowing black plumes

Rust holes everywhere
The body is primer red
Big ol’ pickup truck

My Chevy on blocks.
Dang! My wife’s hair is big.
Leaking septic tank.

I love my country.
I love my heavy metal.

Mullet. I love thee.
Mullet. It’s what makes me, me.
Mullet. I. Mullet.

Wrasslin’. XFL.
Beer in right hand. Wife in left.
Redneck Saturday.

I am a carni.
I run the ‘Tilt-o-Whirl’ ride.
Life of excitement.

Well, my wife left me.
I still have my pick-up truck.
Oh yes, life is good.

courtesy of

Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost fergit
That you’re my cousin
Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verne’s been grilling with
Gasoline again

Hey! some time last year
We done did a thread of these.
(Look for ones by me.)

Here’s a new one:

My front porch collapsed.
The really tragic part is,
Six hound dogs wuz kilt.

Yeeha skinheads help
Snapping turtle cross tha road
Klan tattoos flexin’.

Best part is, it’s true! They helped me help the 50 lb critter about an hour ago. Hee!

Duckbill cap with flag
shadowed cheek and dip of chew
Jar full of moonshine

Dogs on the front porch
Trucks rusting on blocks in back
The sound of scratching.
Shy kissin’ cousins
Shooting turkeys in the rain
A wedding comes soon.

Bud T-shirt, Cat hat
The tractor pull’s tommorrow!
They’re my Sunday best

Standin’ by the keg
Watching the hotties pass by
Ah, kin reunions!

I knew I loved you
When you first lifted your shirt
At that NASCAR race

Ah jes’ got yer name
Tattooed on mah right butt-cheek
Now we is engaged.

White Power tattoo
Dog and wallet both on chains
I’m Bubba. Let’s fight.

Weddin’ plans were done,
then you said “hey y’all, watch this!”
Funeral instead.

Varmint skins for sale
Jerky stand on the roadside
An entrepreneur

Six-pack of Miller,
Can of Vienna sausage:
Seven-course dinner.

12-pack of Miller,
Best of Wrestling video:
Romantic evening.

One case of Miller,
Argument over NASCAR:
I shoot my best friend.

I LIKE Miller.


Champagne of beers
Says so right on the label
Ain’t gonna share it.

No offence, jane_says.
Old Milwaukee hard to fit.
What you think of Pabst?

Moon Pies, Royal Crown,
Second cousin, fire tower:
Romantic first date.
NASCAR, pot, Miller,
5 friends, underage driver:
One less pickup truck.
Sun on belt buckle
Reflects into atmosphere,
Flagging down airplanes.

If it’s a boy: Dale.
A girl (God forbid): Debbie.
Wedding at Wal-Mart.