Lutheran: May the cow be with you. And also with Moo.
Jedi: cow lightsaber has mmmm cow sith lord kill [/yoda voice]
Liberal Christianity:
Our cow is nice, but enough about us; what is your cow like?
Appalachian Pentecostals - safer - they handle milk snakes.
Holy Rollers - in effect, they practice cow-tipping as a religous ceremony.
Glossolalia - Moooooooo.
Can’t believe noboby’s done this yet:
Russian Orthodox: Believes in the Mos-Cow!
Dan Abarbanel
Swedenborgianism:
The one true cow is visible, but it’s the milk inside that’s important. No other cows have milk with all these essential nutrients!
Nihilism:
Who cares if there’s a cow? I don’t actually think there’s anyone here to drink the milk. Maybe we killed the cow and then starved and now we’re dead.
Klingon:
We killed the cows and ate their raw, bloody flesh and now we will kill each other!
Vulcan:
It is not logical to speculate upon the existence of a cow/cows without evidence as a basis for such argument. And, logically, if we knew a cow existed, we would not tell you. You would not believe us. It would serve no purpose.
BEVOism - Hook 'em Horns.
As a Fightin’ Texas Aggie '92, I feel dirty typing the above
Seccular Humanism: the cow is irrelevent in comparison to humankind
Good ones, TWDuke. Your last was the words right out of my mouth, except that I was going to say “we” ! 
True Blue Jack
Universal Life Church (ulc.org): We like all cows. In fact, we like all barnyard animals. Come, fill in this online form to get the rights to milk your cow, goat, sheep, horse. And for only $15 you can have a card with your name on it proving you can milk it.
Phred Phelps–cowshatefags.com
Invisible Pink Unicorn–The true unseen cow has only one horn.
Here’s my take on it…
Muslim: There is no God but ALL-COW – There is no udder – and NoHam-Ed is his prophet.
If I have time I’ll try to fiddle with the five pillars.
True Blue Jack
For the Cow so loved mankind that he gave his only calf. The calf cured for over 30 years. The milk (of human kindness) ran out and he was placed upon a spit and skewered, not in a kosher way. He layeth in state wrapped in leaves, with carrots and tomatoes, and a common tater spoke of how the deliciousness wafted heavenward. His recipes were handed down from generation to generation, lost but found again. Many new recipes were tried, but no one could quite capture the original flavor. Some were quite filling, but others were udderly tasteless. O, Men!
Don’t you mean MOOhammad, True Black Jack?
Sorry. Unbelievably bad pun moment.
How about this one?
Paganism: The cow has 120 calves. If we don’t keep them happy they will send down great plagues of flies. Since we have no tails to swat them with we are doomed. Doomed doomed doomed. But we should still try to keep the cows happy. Bring grass. Lots of grass.
Masai:
All your cows are belong to us!
mmmmm beef… I always said a good Prime Rib was a religious experience.
Scientologists: you were once a cow, millions of years ago, and you can become one again! Just sign up for this program, for only …
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An impatient Jehovah’s Witness.
Impatient Jehovah’s Witne–
Moo!
Straight Dopology:
COW SMASH!
I burning your cow.
1920s-style Death Cows
Creation Science with Kent Horvind a.k.a. Dr. Cow: “Carbon dating the various layers of cow fossils found throughout the planet proves nothing. You see, they forgot about the cow-flood.”