It strikes me as a no win situation all around. There was space available in the cottage, so to not offer it and have a member of your family spend the night in a parking lot, while everyone else is cozy in their beds, seems churlish. Yet, they’d all found a way to pay for their share, so having the one person who had not made arrangements, beyond spending the night outdoors, suddenly enjoying the comforts they’d paid for, seems grounds to me for a bit of resentment.
If it had been my car and my cottage rental, I’d shrug it off, but there’d be no further offers of a ride next time there was an out of town event.
Hobos are sleeping down by the rail yard, with a little fire, heating beans and telling yarns. No way would a hobo be caught sleeping in a grocery store parking lot.
I think it should had been very obvious to everyone that the OP couldn’t had afford to pay anything b/c he was planning on sleeping in the car. The OP didn’t beg to sleep in the extra room and they did help pay for gas ,so the OP is not a moocher .
I agree with this except that in this case, his generosity impacted other people. 5 other people had to pay MORE than their fare share of a cottage that clearly wasn’t cheap because MrShine admitted he could have booked a single occupancy room for LESS than 1/7 of the cottage. Once again, had it been me, I’d have offered up the bed with every intention of ponying up 2/7 of the rental. Because it’s the fair and decent thing to do for all parties.
Yes, but your ACTUAL solution didn’t involve staying up all night on a curb. Your actual solution involved accepting the charity of a group of distant (and not even friendly with!) relatives, all the while not knowing whether someone in that group of 6 might ACTUALLY have stayed up all night doing back-breaking work in order to pay for that comfortable bed you ACTUALLY slept on.
Once again, it’s not even the money that offends. It’s your lack of humility and sense of entitlement.
Hobos have been finding themselves forced out of their train hopping lifestyle after their traditional boxcars were replaced with double-stacked intermodal wellcars. Too many hobos would fall asleep in a shipping container and end up in an iPod factory in China or some hipster alternative housing development in Portland.
I believe they also refer to themselves as “rail folk”.
No , it became unacceptable when he let them know he was planning to spend the night outside. Now, it’s possible that he’s completely socially clueless, but to the other people, he’s no different than someone who complains that’s it’s cold - and when you get annoyed and get up and shut the window they whine " I didn’t ask you to shut the window." If he truly wasn’t looking to be invited to stay in the house, the people who were staying in the house would never have known his plan. He would have asked the people who drove him to drop him off somewhere. When asked where he was staying he could have told a white lie- or he could have just said “I’m good, I’ve got somewhere to stay”
And I’m guessing whether they are right or wrong, they also don’t think it’s a matter of “can’t afford it” as much as “don’t want to spend it”. Because if you are going to a non-optional family event (and I can’t imagine what that might be- people miss weddings and funerals) and you really can’t afford a place to stay, one would think that closer family who know your situation would offer at least to get a cot for you in their hotel room. Or that you would ask them to- in the US a cot costs around $10/night and I can’t imagine it would be much more expensive in the UK. If my son or my niece truly couldn’t afford to stay, I’d either pay for a room for them or get myself a larger room so they could stay with me - but not if I know they could afford it if they cut out a weeks worth of lottery tickets.
Even if you truly couldn’t afford to pay a full share for the room, and even if there wasn’t any grumbling, you still should have done something ( pay whatever you could, buy breakfast, anything) , especially since you say you aren’t close to these people. My family used to have three seats as part of a package to baseball games. If my son had other plans, my husband would offer his ticket to a “friend”. We didn’t expect him or ask him to pay for the ticket- but after a few times, I told my husband I’d rather burn the ticket than give it to him. Because after getting door-to-door transportation and a free ticket to three or four games, he didn’t do so much as buy my husband a hot dog.
That’s how I’d see it too in my extended family, but it might assume some social context. If somebody in my extended family said ‘can I stay (implied for free)? but if not no problem, I’ll sleep rough’ it would be bizarre and tantamount to saying ‘you must put me up for free’. I think that would be a common reaction, but maybe not absolutely depending on country, class, etc.
The part that strikes me as pretty much purely illogical is the idea that because 6 people agree to split the cost of an 8 bed lodging arrangement (let’s say those are the numbers) a 7th joiner can expect it to be free because 6 were willing to pay when they didn’t know there was a 7th, presumably because it was the most economical way to do it even with 2 ‘spare’ spaces. The 7th can’t assume it should be free just because ‘it’s already paid for’. That isn’t specific to country, class, etc. IMO but just doesn’t make sense. OK, maybe somebody’s ‘spare’ room in their house could reasonably be viewed that way, but not lodging people are paying for by the night.
This, given the “how shameful that you forced your relatives to offer a room they weren’t using anyway by your insistence on not having money”.
I would have an extremely low opinion of someone not making this offer since the only reason not to would be “our relative shouldn’t get something for nothing, so let’s leave this room unoccupied rather than allow something that unfair to happen.”
And this. Offer or don’t offer, but don’t expect payment or favors in return. Otherwise, you’re the one forcing someone else’s hand : “hmm…I guess I could reduce my expenses by inviting relative into our place. Presumably, despite not wanting to spend that much money, and having less costly options anyway, he will feel obligated to pay and I’ll spare $ 100. Good plan!”
How is a relative using a room that nobody was using “taking advantage”?
And how is inviting a poorer relative to stay with you expecting he will pay part of the bill and reduce your expense not taking advantage?
People should own their pettiness. If they’re bothered that much that a relative is getting something for free, even though it costs them nothing, they should say so from the get go, and tell him “We could use some of your money. What about paying to stay in our spare room? Otherwise, well, have a good night in the parking lot, I guess, it’s not as if I care”.
They didn’t pay more than what they expected and intended to spend. They had a room they didn’t use, and indeed not offering it would have been very petty. Expecting money in return (or anything else, in fact) is plainly greedy.
You offer or you don’t offer. You don’t get to act all generous but still expect a payment in return. If you think that it’s “unfair” and that he should pay, then be upfront about it and say “there’s this room we can rent you for the night”.