Rock bands you hate . . .and you're the only one on the planet that hates them

In My Humble Opinion
61

Oh, I’m HAPPY to launch into diatribes against musicians I hate, as many regulars here will attest! I just can’t think of a single musician that I’ve ever been afraid to criticize.

I repeat, a guy who hates Elvis or the Beatles (or maybe even Bob Dylan) may feel intimidated, and decide to keep his feelings to hiself, knowing how many people worshipped them. But even if you can’t stand… oh, I dunno, N Sync, do you REALLY think you’re alone? Is ANYBODY afraid to ridicule them?

The only bands I’m ever TEMPTED to rant and rave against are the critics’ pets. The ones that have no fans, that sell no records, that play to empty houses, but keep getting rave reviews, magazine covers, and media adulation.
(To paraphrase Brian Eno, “THe Velvet Underground only sold 100 records… but every one of those 100 people became a music critic.”)

62

Natalie Merchant: your 15 minutes of fame were up several years ago.

Frank Zappa. Sorry for this one, but I can’t get into his music. And I have tried, boy oh boy.

Modern Rolling Stones. Give it up already, guys.

In the same vein: Aerosmith. If you’re going to write pop dreck, why not become a geriatric boy band?

Blink-182: Grow up, learn a few more chords, and we’ll talk.

Limp Bizkit, KoRn, Slipknot, etc.: I just ADORE music. What you are doing ISN’T music.

63

The Eagles should get top honours for having no redeeming value. Not a single listenable track, ever.

Next up, White Zombie/Rob Zombie - not to be confused with THE ZOMBIES.

64

The Backstreet boys? Is this a support group for pansy-ass critics? Wait, freeze, where’s the straight dope I was promised? Here I’ll start cha off slow…

U2 - Actually, lots of people hated them, even before the Kmart tour. Makes me limp with disgust.

AC/DC - I’d rather listen to an Air Siren till I go deaf.

G&R - I am that Air Siren.

Otis Redding - Is it me, or does he completely suck? Push off, pusherman!

Big Pun - I know, I know, he’s dead. How does this correlate with talent, again?

The Cranberries - Makes me Ocean Spray, projectilely.

COUNTING CROWS - Bring on the Cranberries!

ZZTOP - Gives me that “The Expos are a Major League team?” feeling.

DEEP F’IN PURPLE - Man, they were just one guitar short of making it. Don’t you love the fans who argue about which lineup was best, as if they all didn’t suck.

THE DOOBIE BROTHERS - Yeah, and stay in the streets! Ya caterwauling tuneless Deep Purple rejects!
Ok, reload the big guns…
WIERD AL. Damn, Al, learn to write a song for yourself once in a while, and spare us this nonsense about how talented a song-writer you are. “The Rye or the Kaiser”? Who’s ghostwriting your paper, Two Live Jew?

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GILBERT AND SULLIVAN. Yeah, I know, I know, you’re a Model of a Modern Major General. But you suck. Get your Mikado the hell away from Groucho, and anyone else with actual talent.

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JANIS JOPLIN. I’m sure this is just me, but whenever I hear the frantic sandblasting screechings of America’s favorite suicidal songstress that means time to chew my arm off and push through mounds of cats in an effort to reach the non-fatality zone and how I wish they’d have emergency warnings 15 minutes prior and no no na no nanana nooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo.
Christ, I feel better! Oh, and Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton both suck like hoovers, too. Cheers, AOS

65

U2 about tenthed in this thread, but definitely in my experience the most over-praised major band.

and I don’t know what it’s like in the US, but The Strokes already. They’re OK, but there’s more than one indie band in existence in 2001.

66

:smiley:

Chalk me up as another U2 hater, and as for the Grateful Dead - Grok, you are so right!

67

I’m with you there, only I won’t leave Jimi Hendrix alone. Was he a great electric guitar player? Probably, but I don’t play guitar so it doesn’t really sound all that impressive to me. Anyway, so what? How many great songs did he write/play? Not a single fucking one. Same with Clapton, Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, et al. Hey, all I require of my music is a decent melody or some honest emotion. If I wanna listen to somebody masturbate for half an hour, I’ll eavesdrop on the dorms of the local Catholic school.
Everything’s been mentioned, but I have a special loathing for the late 60s/early 70s “psychadelic” and “hard rock” bands - Hendrix, the Dead, Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, blah blah blah. I understand that it sounds great when you’re stoned, but guess what? Everything sounds great when you’re stoned. Not the best criteria for judging musical worth.
Anyway, I know I’m late to the party, so I’ll just echo a few responses:
Radiohead - don’t get it at all. Completely mediocre second generation Pink Floyd “art” pop/rock. Not catchy at all, either.
Nirvana - “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was a good song before it got into heavy rotation and became the latest anthem for inarticulate, disaffected youth. The rest of their songs were just more of the same. Subdued verse that erupts into violent chorus - yawn. There’s more to dynamics than that. What did they do that a thousand indie/punk bands hadn’t been doing (often better) for more than a decade? Besides get airplay, I mean.
Not even worth the space it would take to criticize:
Limp Bizkit
Dave Matthews Band
Fiona Apple
Rage Against the Machine
All the Lillith Fair bands + Natalie Merchant
Korn
Metallica
Blink 182
The Eagles
Stink (Sting)

I’m sure I’ll think of more.

68

Many of the bands I do not like have been listed, but here are the ones not already mentioned:

Bjork and Tori Amos–in highschool, many of the people in my social group basically worshipped these two as goddesses. They drive me batty. Bjork’s songs are nonsense, and Tori Amos sounds like she’s popped a handful of sleeping pills and is falling asleep as she sings.

Shania Twain. Here in Canada, we get to hear so bloody much about her.

Celine Dion, Carly Simon, and anyone else that sings slow, sappy crap like that. My mother likes them, I had to endure quite a bit of it.

I could go on and on. . . Heh.

69

Huh? I’ve never admired him for wimping out. Little boy couldn’t take the fame and blew his head off. Big F-ing deal. Better off out of the gene pool.

70

Lynyrd Skynrd: Die. Quickly, so as to be out of my earshot faster.

Oh, and let me add my support to those hating the “Rock Gods”. Led Zep is old, outdated and stupid. It was stupid when I heard it for the first time back when it was new, and it still sucks. The Beatles? They’ve always been a marketing gimmick. Stones? Hell, they wern’t exciting in their heyday, from what I’ve seen.

I don’t care if they invented it, pioneered it, or even gave birth to it in a manger, their music still sucks!

71

I have never understood the appeal of Bob Dylan. Putting his name into google produces 353,000 hits!

I do like several of his songs, but I don’t like him as a performer. His voice is annoying and he can’t play the guitar.

72

Blink is punk? What in the hell? Wait, seismologists are confirming that Jello Biafra is rolling in his grave.*

*[sub]Okay, so he’s not dead. I wouldn’t have said Joey Ramone, I have a whole rant on the Ramones not being punk, e-mail me if ya want it. Don’t even get me started on Sid Vicious.[/sub]

73

It’s just you.

74

When I was in HS in the early 80’s there were lots of sucky but very popular bands. So I can rightfully claim

THAT I HATED THEM FIRST

Journey
People I knew actally spent the night outside in the winter to get tickets to these #&@(~@)!() and I just sat there thinking ‘Was I sick the day they passed out the pods?’
Oh and I too agree that Gilbert and Sullivan put the uck in suck.

75

Ah, Tuckerfan, you beat me to it. I have hated Bon Jovi since before “Slippery When Wet” (I truly have no respect for obvious, clumsy double entendres, either). I hate the band, I hate the man, I hate all of his hairstyles, I hate his sidekick. His song “You’re Love is like Bad Medicine (bad medicine, it’s what I need, oooohhhoooyeah)” is my vote for “worst song ever written and somebody for the love of God should have stopped these people”. Then he went away for a while, and life was good. Then he started putting out music again, and it was not good.

76

Jay-Z - I’d like to take the single for “hard knock life” and force feed it to him. My neighbors, the drunks, used to play this repeatedly at full volume.

Macy Gray - The first time I saw a video, she was wearing a sweatsuit and “singing” in her odd scratchy-gargled-glass voice, and I thought it was nice that MTV was giving a mentally disabled person a shot at fame. Then I found out she just has a weird voice and no taste.

**Rustic Overtones(Maine)- ** If you’re aiming to sound like a DMB tribute band, why not sing their songs, too?

post-boy named goo Goo Goo Dolls - I liked them until “Iris” came out. Now I hate them.

post-my own prison Creed - Please god, don’t let them play “arms wide open” on the radio again. I’ll be good, I promise.

Dave Matthews Band- In my book whining does not equal talent or orginality.

**Whitney Houston- ** The tortured cat sound doesn’t do it for me.

Rage Against The Machine- I like the genre, but I’ve always hated Rage.

Van Hallen- Helping the 80’s suck

**Metalica **- Over-rated, under-talented

post-achtung baby U2- I don’t understand the happy shit they’ve put out the last few years.

Leann Rimes- her songs were stomach turning.

** Hootie and The Blowfish**- My dad asked what I thought was wrong with them “They can’t sing, can’t play decently, and their lyrics suck” he disagreed.

** Celine Deon**- I wish her popularity had gone down with the ship.

I think ** Train **is an early contender for the band I think sucks the most in 2001, but there is still time…

77

Yeah, I gotta agree there. Unless you completely hate soul music, I don’t see how you could say Otis Redding sucked. And “Pusherman” was by Curtis Mayfield, anyway. Unless there’s some secret allusion there that I’m missing.

78

Q: What did Courtney say right before Kurt shot himself?

A: “Hole’s gonna be big.”

79

Bwahahaha!

80

Here’s my theory about the popularity of Beck:

When his first album came out, a lot of people rushed out and bought it, raving excessively about “what tremendous talent”, “a Genius!!”, etc. Well, you can imagine their shock and surprise when they got home and discovered that it was not Jeff, but some young upstart who looks sharp in a suit and tie, but doesn’t play a killer guitar, and is only a mediocre singer. Unfortunately, they had already publically praised him, and most were too embarrassed to admit their mistake, so they felt compelled to pretend to be impressed by him.